Wednesday, December 31, 2014

A Year To Remember: 2014: What A Fool I Was

Hey All!!!

I've been trying and TRYING to get on here to blog, but every time the holidays arrive, craziness just happens.  I don't know how it does, but it does.

That's usually when I just zone out and chill, because I know that's the only way I'll get through depressing times like the holidays.

To tell the truth, Christmas is only fun when you're a kid.  Once you become an adult, Christmas is just depressing and :p

Oh, right!!!  Getting to the point...Er, sort of!!!

I was wanting to do an in-depth review of this past year...Where to start???

Um, January...I guess I'll start from there.

So January came and went.  I was trying to get back into the swing of things with exercising and such.  It's very hard to do so when you sprained your foot the year before.  Ankles are easy to sprain and recover from... The foot...NOT so much!


I had decided to make a video diary of my exercise progressions.  hahahaha...That turned out to be a total joke.  It's all still somewhere around my computer....unpublished.  And probably will remain that way.  Eh, I'll figure it out what to post and what not to.

My phone screen busted again and I had to pay to get another screen replaced.  I re-published my book Into the Night.  You can find it on Amazon under my author name Diana Jillian.  Oh and yes, my mind is that fucked up, thank you very much.


This was a very crucial time for me....I should also add May in here as well...

In March, I was having a problem with putting makeup on my eyelid.  There was a skin tag on there that was suddenly bothering me.

I finally had to face facts and see an optometrist/dermatologist.   You can't go to a regular dermatologist when you have moles or skin tags in your eye area.  You must be seen by an optometrist or no deal.

Well, the biopsy came back as basil cell carcinoma.  Most of you already know this song and dance...

And this is where the fool in me comes into play.

I was an idiot...A fool.

I was there for everyone. 

I gave people rides when their car broke down.  

I watched their kids when they had no babysitter.  

I went places with them when they didn't want to fly solo.

I lend a shoulder for them to cry on.

I listened to their problems.

I was there when a loved one passed away.

I was there for it all.

And in return...

I get asked for opinions and then when they don't like my answers, I get told that I'm opinionated or cynical.

I get diagnosed with skin cancer, and suddenly people think that cancer is contagious or something.  


I take that back.

Let's rewind two years ago to August 26th, 2012 when my husband was rushed to the hospital.

I started losing friends then.

They acted like kidney failure was something they could catch.

When my friends were sad and down on times, I was always checking up on them.

When I was down on times....No one bothered and the ones that genuinely care, are the ones that live nowhere near me.

What does that say about me???

I'm no good once you get to know???  In person???

I'm better off without friends to hang with.

I have other people in my life....

My other half is one of them.

In the end, I realized who my true friends and family are.

I can't be bothered with those that can't be bothered by me.

Not that I'm a bother or anything....

But this year was all about learning....It was a total rebirth.  That is a conversation I will get into next blog.



Picture, Random, Blog

Friday, December 26, 2014

There's No Snow in Florida


Let it...Rain????  That's about all we'll get down here in SW Florida.  Let it rain, and pray for a cold front.  Let it snow doesn't sound practical for sub-tropical weather.  But what do I know.  I don't know if I have a frozen heart or not, but I definitely know there is ice in my veins.  I'm anemic, and while it was humid outside and my body didn't feel it, my hair sure did.

We had a very humid Christmas and Christmas eve.  I also got sick on Christmas Eve day.  My son gave me his cold.  Ah, what a wonderful Christmas gift to have.

Unfortunately, my brain is mush and I can't think straight.  I've been busy not only being a caregiver to my husband, but my husband's step father.  He was 86 years old, and he started dialysis about a month ago.

Realistically, the doctors or nurses should have only prescribed him to be on dialysis once and see how things went from there.  Instead, they put an 86 year old man on there for four hours.  FOUR hours.  The other old people in there were on dialysis for less time than that.  What is wrong with people.

Ugh!!!  I really can't think about this right now.  My poor father-in-law (or so to speak), passed away on Christmas day.  I'm still trying to reel it all in.

Enclosed is a poem from William Blake that I found on Sunday when the prompts were given...How weird that this poem would be relevant in such a time like this....

O Rose thou art sick
The invisible worm,
That flies in the night
In the howling storm;

Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy:
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy

~~William Blake

(Poem can be found by clicking here)


(Random) (Blog) (Picture)

Sunday, December 21, 2014



"If you're going through hell, keep going."

~~Winston Churchill

The wind will never blow my way
As I pass the evergreen shrubs
And, well.  If I'm going through hell, 
I'd might as well keep on going
 Because I know someday
Some day
 Things will turn in my favor.

Namaste~~May the light in me, shine the light within you.


(Poem) (No Rhyme) Picture,

Friday, December 19, 2014

Random Ramblings #4

Cooking bacon reminds me of the movie Gremlins, where they were all bubbling at the end of the movie due to water. Am I the only one that thinks like this? Eh, probably. ~~DJ

Random, Blog,

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Random Ramblings #3

I swear I have a blog in the works. Everything has just been chaotic lately. How chaotic? Let's just say I'm typing in a memo through the phone. It's funny how my brain starts working when I'm anywhere but home where I should be.
I may have lost my motivation.

Random, Blog,

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Being Absent

Hey All!

It seems that with the holidays approaching, I become more disconnected from all kinds of worlds...Social media included.

I don't really know why I get this way, but I do.  The holidays are a depressing time for me.  I have loved ones that need to be taken care of, or I have fake people trying to start a fight with me due to their own insecurities.  In the meantime, I'm trying to make jewelry for the Etsy thing.

I've made a few bracelets so far, but I'm noticing trying to make certain bracelets with certain beads isn't working out well for me.  I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with it, but I am.

So today, I made a necklace...Though I'm not planning on selling it.  I am going to give it to my grandma.  I will have to post pics soon.

Ah, other than the writing prompts in the group I'm in, and other than my journal I hand write in, I haven't been putting myself out there in cyber world lately.

I guess getting accused of saying something about someone when it could be anyone that I'm referring to--even characters in a book or short-story I'm writing about--I guess it can take all of your energy.

Of course, I won that argument, but still...It bothers me knowing there are such evils out there in the world.  It bothers me knowing that even as adults, heading towards middle age, there are bullies out in this world.  I think some forget that we're no longer in junior high school anymore.

I'd better shut up now before they read this and assume I, yet again, said something bad about them...

No, this is a story about one of my characters, and she has a friend that is so jealous, she will do whatever it takes to make the main character unhappy.  But all does work out in the end...

Another mindless rambling from me yet again....

Until next time...


Random, Blog,

Sunday, December 7, 2014


Found a few interesting things with this post.

Hey Everyone!!!

I have to make this quick as I may or may not be heading over to the east coast of Florida and will only be available through the phone/tablet I own.  Blogging is something that can be done on the phone, but it never looks good.  Proofreading and editing are a pain in the neck.  Okay, I'm done chatting it up like this.

So I went and Googled some Vincent Price quotes....The best ones I found was through IMDB (Click here)

I found this quote:

It just speaks to me, though a lot of them spoke to me...I'm sure this quote is used a lot. LOL.

"A man who limits his interests limits his life."

~~Vincent Price...

It's interesting.  I'm always all about learning new things or else I would not have joined Blogophilia all those years ago.  I like being challenged, and I love learning new things...

Like what in the world is a zoopraxiscope?

Well, when I Googled it, it was one of the earliest forms of movie projectors....You know how like you get a book and put a picture in the corner of the page, then when you flip the pages, you see animation come to life????  I know, it's hard to imagine that when we have phones and computers and such.  I still use pen and paper...I still journal the old-fashioned way.

By the way of the clouds today, I think this might not be a great day to go to the east coast.  I'm still not sure yet.  I drive in any kind of weather down here.  Rain...Wind...Clouds...You name it...



Friday, December 5, 2014

I'm Not Who I Was

Once Upon A Time....I was once an annoying, and caring person.

All I wanted to do was help out those who needed help.  I wanted to fix the broken, and mend their hearts.

I wanted to be a best friend, a sister to those who mattered.

I always kept in touch with others.  I would send others text messages, emails, snail mail, phone calls, you name it.  I would find a way to keep in touch.

Then on Sunday, August 26th, 2012, all that changed.

I thought my husband was having a stroke.  I called the ambulance, only to find out his blood sugar crashed because of kidney failure.

I only had maybe two or three friends at that time that checked up on me to see how I was holding up, and how my other half was doing.  The first week was hell, but then, slowly but surely, everything was starting to get better.

Okay, I was still an idiot even after that situation.

I kept on saying that things have to change.  I kept on saying that I had to cut off ties to those that honestly didn't give a damn for me.

I still had that tiny shred of hope.

Then the unthinkable happened.

April 5th of this year, I had an appointment to have a skin tag removed off my eyelid.  The doctors removed it and sent the removed tissue to a lab.  A few days later, I was told I had Basil Cell Carcinoma.

My appointment for eye surgery was set for May 5th....A whole month later.  I was so scared.  You know because it was on my eyelid and all.  I was thinking I wouldn't have an eyelid left or something LOL.  Nobody assured me.

Even my grandma and my mother were looking for reassurance from me.

It all just made me realize....

I need to cut my ties.

I deleted people from my life.  This includes family that couldn't bother to ask me how I'm doing.  I got tired of always trying.

If you learn one thing while you're scared to death...that is you can't waste your time trying to please others.

My only regret is I wished I didn't waste all my time and energy on them the way I did.  I should have put an end to all of this several years ago.

I can be quite foolish.... 

Well, live and learn, right????

Am I alone on this???


Memoir, Random, Blog, 

Friday, November 28, 2014

Random Ramblings #1

Hey Everyone!!!

I know it's been a few days since I've written.  While trying to fight this ick I'm dealing with, I've been doing nothing but watching Netflix.  I watched the whole Crow franchise.  I just heard from my brother today that they're thinking about creating another Crow movie.  Bring it.  I like them.

How festive of me to be into the Halloween spirit when Christmas is around the corner.  I am not your traditional kind of person.  I could remember Thanksgiving as a kid.  I was the one that would always hide in my bedroom.  I always prayed families would gather at our home so I'd have a safe place to hide.

I'm not shy.  And I'm not stuck up.  I just have a hard time being around others that tell you what to do like if you're just in deep thought with your eyes open and someone shouts for you to WAKE UP!!!  You only know how pathetic it is because they're trying to entertain the group they're around.  But at what expense are you entertaining someone else?  What about the person you just made fun of?  It never dawns on someone how rude they're being...And yet, these are the same people that if you were to poke fun at them, they'd get super fucking pissed off at you for doing so.

So a certain family member was at it again...

"Smile," they said as they looked at me...

How did they know I wasn't smiling????  I always wear a smile, yet it still implores people to tell me to smile...In which your only response is to say STFU.  Seriously.  Like who the hell do they think they are????  Where do they get off?

Well, I happen to like my smile...Even if to them it looks like resting bitch face.  It's better than a shit eating grin, or a smile that will give you wrinkles and make you look like a clown or something.

UGH!!!  I had so much I've been wanting to write.  I've just been too weak to get to my computer much and write.  My energy is lacking for the past few weeks now.

But I do keep a journal, and at the end of my entry, I usually write myself reminders on what to write next.  Trust me...I'll get there.

Bear with me please...I'm getting back on track slowly but surely.


Random, Blog, Picture, Resting

Sunday, November 23, 2014

No More Light

No More Light 
by ©Diana Jillian 11/23/14

I wonder if we’ve become a nation of zombies
As I cruise on my bike around the neighborhood
Too busy inside, playing with electronic devices
Hanging with friends never met, whether bad or good

** “NO hay pura luz ni sombra en los recuerdos.”
The trees and the birds are silenced by the Wi-Fi
The lack of breeze seems to indicate no life near
And the day, with what looks to me a darkened sky

I stop ahead as I notice something shiny
The only thing that seems bright in this dull
Hopping off my bike to pick up this new penny
And my staring at its shine puts me into a lull

Like the sweet, depressing sound of a violin playing 
I long for something new and shiny like this metal
But staring at this little thing is my only possible hope
Like admiring a wilting, over-blossomed flower petal

As I am staring and swaying a tiny voice speaks 
Penny for your thoughts; what’s your inner hope?
I break out of reverie to see no one but me, alone
It’s just a part of life, something we have to cope

Written by ©Diana Jillian 11/23/14

**The quote: NO hay pura luz ni sombra en los recuerdos, is from Pablo Neruda's poem:  No Hay Pura Luz, from my best translation, meaning no pure light.

The line is saying there's no pure light, not even the shadows have memories.  Or so that's my take on it.  Translation is a difficult thing for me....But I can understand it.


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