Thursday, April 19, 2012

Reality Fantasy

Today's Quote:

"We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way."

~~Sacred Ritual Chant

Written by ©Diana Jillian

I am frozen; almost as if
I was trapped in time.
I stand alone,
And stuck in this one moment
In that one moment,
You come up to me
And take me by the hand.
You show me places
I've never been;
Places I've never heard of.
The images are all so beautiful
As I take them in
The way you're taking me in
As you take me in your arms,
You whisper in my ear
That you love me

Your lips move from my ear,
All the way to the bottom of my neck
I can feel
Your heart pounding faster
As you carry me in your arms
I can feel your hard body
Flowing inside me,
Letting my thoughts
Melt into evaporated puddles.
The sky's the limit as
I feel the euphoria rush over me.
Every breath I take is
Another reminder of how
Your love for me is strong.
Two souls intertwined
And stuck in that moment
That moment has ended,
And I give myself a mental shake.
I suddenly remember where I am,
And what I am doing.

I was trying to imagine
A better world for myself
I couldn't help but to imagine you.
One cannot control
Who they fantasize about
I couldn't help it because
Your melody was calling to me.
Your words were playing
On my heart strings like a violin
The heart wants what the heart desires,
And this heart wants you
Now, I'm back in reality,
And I know that I cannot have you.
I will never have you.
I know this now.

I am now in the world of death,
While you're still living
In your dream world.
The world amongst the living.
We weren't meant to be
Soul mates this lifetime.
There will always be
Another time, or maybe,
There won't be anytime.
Life is real and dreams...
Well, dreams,
They tend to fade.

Prose, No Rhyme, Poem, QOTD, 

Monday, April 16, 2012


Today's Quote:

"No human creature can give orders to love."

~~George Sand

I will love me for me and that is all...

Earlier today I posted this in a group:

On Saturday I received a letter from Sallie Mae that told me that my payment was overdue. OVERDUE??? And I get this letter on Saturday. So naturally, I was having one anxiety attack after another after another waiting until Monday so I can speak with someone. Because this was the FIRST time I got a notice from them AT ALL!!! I never once received a letter in the mail about a payment and this was really upsetting.

The worst part of it all is I've been trying to look for work, but can only work part-time. I have a kid with special needs and I may need to take him to the doctor at random times. I need a job that will be flexible, so I try to take on any kind of odd job I can find. Unfortunately no one is looking for anyone for the time being which completely sucks.

Luckily, I was able to talk to a rep over at Sallie Mae that told me he can mail me a waiver...One for the fact that I did NOT receive a bill in the mail and to waive the penalty fee....The other one so I can buy myself an additional 3 years before having to make payments. My only prayer is that I find something within three years from now.

Prayers of any kind are very much appreciated. ♥


This is the honest truth as to what happened. I was so upset over this whole student loan thing, I feel like a big burden has been lifted off my shoulders...Well, for now. I just hope and pray that within the next 3 years something good will happen for me.

After I got off the phone with the guy over at Sallie Mae, I started crying. I wasn't crying because of sadness...I was crying because I felt relief. I cannot tell you how much anxiety I've been having over this whole thing.

It's not like I don't want to find a job...I really do...I just have to be really flexible. My son is over at my grandma's and tomorrow, I'll probably have to take him to the doctor to get some blood work done on him. Maybe the shots aren't working because of how much he has grown.

This happened two years back, and he has been growing like a weed. My only concern is my child...My ONLY child. And yes, if I had more children, he would still be my main priority. All my children would be.

I'm a mother that worries and I need to always be there for my kid...No matter how old he gets.

In June, he will be 16 years old. I keep going because of him. If he was 50 and asked me to take him to the doctor, I would definitely drop everything to do so. My son is my son no matter what.

That is all for now.

Thanks for reading my rant.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

One More Chance

Written by ©Diana Jillian

If I could have just one more shot at this thing called life
If I could raise a new generation up
I would raise them without knowledge of the television
I'd raise them with out the knowledge of the internet
Just knowledge of wisdom
No hope
No dreams
Just the realism of what is truly out there
The true jobs of the world
I would tell teachers to stuff it and their beliefs
Education is highly overrated
As everyone struggles
If you're not rich
You pay the price
It's not fair and not worth it
I would teach children they would be in a mediocre job
For the rest of their lives
Don't try to ever look for greener grass
For it does not exist
If only I could have been taught to think this way
Life would have been so perfect
Because I wouldn't have disappointment in my heart
I would have expectation
What is expected of me
A life of solitude
A life of being no one

I need one more chance to prove that...

Tomorrow I shall do so.

Poem, No Rhyme,


Today's Quote:

"It's the unhappy people who most fear change."

~~Mignon McLaughlin

Written by ©Diana Jillian 4/15/12

And I want to
For I can't
Cause every time I am
Something goes wrong

Still it doesn't stop me
Gullible naive little me
From believing
From still being

I motion for it
I beg for it
Then it gets close
And I shy away


It's beyond me

Though I think I'm moving forward
I cannot be certain
But I think I'm moving
I think I'm moving

One day
Some day
I'll get this thing right
I'll get it right

This word called "happiness"

Poem, No Rhyme,