Sunday, March 13, 2016



Blogophilia Week 4.9 Topic: 

The First Step Is...

Bonus Points:
(Hard, 2 pts) Incorporate a Rob Bell quote

(Easy, 1 pt) Include the word “asphalt”



Rob Bell Quote:

"No one has the last word other than God."

"The first step is admitting you have a problem; the second step is admitting everyone else has a problem."

I once heard that on an episode of Roseanne, and it always kinda stuck with me.  I'm the daughter--and the granddaughter--of addicts and enablers.

I was never brought up on religion, though I always felt like I needed to belong somewhere.  My grandma embedded in my head that we were Jewish, but we never practiced the religion.  I just assumed at that point, Jewish was a nationality, not a religion.

My dad came along (he's really my step-dad, but he raised me like I was his own.) and suddenly we were Catholic, though we never practiced the religion.  I only knew to go to my aunt's house during Christmas and exchange gifts; and I knew, "Hey! The Easter bunny is here!"

I never understood any of that.  And as I got older, and the more people tried to preach me the "truth", the more I shied away from all of it.

I went to church once when I was 12.  This girl from Equador and I decided to get all dressed up and go to a church around the corner from us.  I only brought a couple of dollars with me.  The basket went around, and we put money in the basket.  Afterward, we went around back to the pond...where I've always liked check out the tadpoles.

That was about as religious as I got!  I had my grandma take me to a temple when I was 13, and I instantly felt like I didn't belong.

When I was almost 14, and my parents were trying to get sober, they would take me to their meetings.  It was then I was learning about a Higher Power.  I was able to relate to that better.  I was able to relate on a more spiritual level than a religious one.

I started to go to Alateen, and one day, they asked me to speak my story in Alanon.  There were a bunch of older women that were impressed with the story of a 14 year old girl.  I think they were shocked that a 14 year old girl had to endure what most 14 year olds shouldn't have to experience at all.

Kids at 14 should be at the crossroads where they're still playing with their Barbie dolls, to figuring out if that cute boy in class likes them or not.  They should be hanging out with their friends, and going to places like the mall or the skating rink.

They should not be home babysitting their little siblings.  They should not be home wondering if dinner will ever be made.  They shouldn't be wondering if their parent or parents are lying dead on a pavement of asphalt somewhere because they decided getting high was more important than family.

But I never lived a normal life.  And I've learned later on, no one does.  We're painted these pictures of girls hanging out with each other, having sleepovers and such.  We're painted with pictures that we have friends when in reality, we don't.  Even though we have time, we never make time for whatever the reason may be.

We'd rather be in our tiny little office space rather than to make time for what's really important.  And then when it's too late, we live with regrets.

But I was never like that!  I always made time for others, and that was how a part of me died.  Now, I prefer a world of solitude.  You never get disappointed, and you'll never have regrets.

This is not my final word on the subject because, "No one has the last word other than God."

I do believe in a Higher Power, and I also refer to it as the Universe.  I believe in Einstein's theories.  I just sometimes wonder if the Universe believes in me.