Saturday, March 21, 2015


It's not ideal for everyone
But it's right for someone like me
I can feel nothing
And enjoy being selfish for once
I can focus better
And sleep less
Don't try to wake me
Because I am not dreaming
I'm not ready to feel failed dreams
I'm not ready to cry
I'm not ready to break down
Or go back down again at all
I just want to be up
And forget it all
The lost me has been found
Let me be up
Because I like it there

Written by ©Diana Jillian 3/21/15

No Rhyme

Thursday, March 19, 2015


Here's a couple of throwback pictures...

You have the picture.

This was my first CPK doll.  Her name is Alla Amanda.  I have her in the shed somewhere, along with my Powerpuff Girls memorabilia.  While I don't like to show it, I do have a very nerdy side to me.  LOL.

My mom wanted to get me a doll with brown hair, brown eyes, and tan skin to make it identical to me.  My eyes and hair have changed over the years...Quite drastically I might add.

Any who...

Right After the CPK fiasco, my parents were suddenly on the ball with all the potential fads that might have been out there toy wise.  That year, I was given a My Little Pony and a Care Bear.  Her name was Cheer Bear.

I still have my original Cheer Bear somewhere.  I couldn't bear to have thrown her out despite her missing a nose.  But a few years back I found some more Care bears in stores and got a couple.

I've always secretly liked Grumpy bear...

They sit up on my shelf till this very day. I just keep them as decoration.  I used to have a collection of teddy bears when I was younger, but I lost them somewhere in between moving around over and over...and over again.

But I've probably said this stuff already.  I have such a great memory that most don't remember what I say and I get to repeat myself as many times I want.  

Sunday, March 15, 2015

In Shadows

Another writing prompt

I wanted to set my mind free, like a well-made, thoughtful puzzle
The pieces all seem to be there, but one is always somehow missing
This is where my recurring nightmare never ever seems to go away
When they shut the door on your face, and promises lead to dissing

In my shadows, I am comfortable, and I find the peacefulness in me
I have learned to forgive, but still, I only wanted to get some closure
Instead you slammed the door in my face, and then called me pathetic
Then you threw me into the sun, unexplained, burned from exposure

You couldn't be bothered with answering a simple teeny tiny question
You turned it around to make it all about you. I guess the joke's on me
And like a fool, I kept on forgiving you, like a beaten dog to its owner
And after I protested against making friends, you just couldn't let me be

So you hooked me in, and I fell for the friendship thing despite the lies
And when I needed a friend, you couldn't be bothered to lend a hand
When I ask, "Why?"  You claim I'm mean and being very over-dramatic
Then you coldly laughed at me while burying me deep into the hot sand

Then I see you once again, and I really don't know why, but you wanna try
Welcome to my nightmare, I think you're gonna like it, and feel you belong
I want to make you feel what I felt, but a leopard never changes its spots
And so your words confuse me when I haven't heard from you in so long

And you ask to be friends, but why?  All I want to know is why?
I've made the first move.  I can't be around for those who don't care
I can't even have words with you without you making it about you
I only wanted closure. Cutting ties is good enough. It only seems fair.

Written by ©Diana Jillian 3/15/15