Random posts. For stories written by Diana Jillian, please visit http://thethinkywriter.blogspot.com/
Monday, November 3, 2014
All Against Me
"When it rains, it pours." That was the slogan of the Morton salt company. On the cover was a girl with an umbrella...Remember that???
Well, you don't know just how true that fact is...
Today, I am the bad guy, or gal. I'm the bad girl...Yeah, that's it.
I'm the girl that doesn't get paid for my work. I supposedly sit at home all day long and do absolutely nothing at all.
So yeah, when I get stressed out, I get annoyed. I get my name called every five minutes around this house. I get called so much, I think about changing my name to something they'll never be able to pronounce.
But when I call their names...Silence. This is how the game goes. I get the silent treatment. It doesn't matter if I'm dead tired after cooking or cleaning all day. It doesn't matter if I can't get up because my back or my foot hurts. It doesn't matter if I have a raging headache or anxiety has crept up into me, making me want to hurl. None of that matters. It doesn't matter if my immune system is low and I'm searching for leftover antibiotics around the house to prevent the bronchitis from developing into pneumonia.
What matters is everyone else around this house. I don't count.
So when I call someone and get the silent treatment, I do tend to get mad.
Then I'm told, "I wish that was my only problem in the world." Like my problems or feelings don't matter at all.
I'm insignificant...I'm unimportant.
As long as I do my civic duties as a housewife and mom, that's all that matters.
But what would happen if I just got up and left?
They would only miss me for a nano second....And then it would all start back up again.
I was told that every answer I get is the wrong answer....That I deem it as the wrong answer.
The only thing I've ever said is the way they respond to me with their answers. I have one that gives me a snooty attitude with every answer he gives. Instead of saying yes ma'am or no ma'am, it's YESSSSS or NOOOOOO, oh and my favorite, GOD! WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!!! That one is always a personal favorite of mine. It's never an answer given with compassion. Just attitude.
I didn't realize I asked for much.
They personally want a housewife/mom that stays silent...Mute. Says nothing at all.
I didn't realize this was the nineteen fucking fifties...
So I'm a housewife....I'm a bit of a non-traditional housewife. I don't smoke or watch soaps or eat chocolate. I do laundry and take care of the animals and make sure the medicines are in order. I pay the bills and balance the checkbook.
I drive around here and there. And here I sit crying in silence because it doesn't matter what I think after all.
But it's two against one in this household, therefore I must be the asshole. I must be wrong.
~~DJ
Random, Blog, Picture,
Sunday, November 2, 2014
The Ultimate Anxiety
I have been at a crossroads today...
OK, so maybe it's not just today. Maybe it's been building up for a few days now.
To tell the truth, I don't usually watch movies or television shows where the actor/actress dies during my time.
I have a hard time with it. When Lucille Ball died, I stopped watching I Love Lucy shows. When John Ritter died, I never watched a single episode of Three's Company again.
Usually, a few years will pass and I will be able to accept it again and be able to watch their shows/movies again.
But Valentino movies give me the creeps and so do silent films and half the actors that died so tragically. Yet, I still watch them for some morbid reason.
I recently watched The Crow the other night. It was my first time watching it. I couldn't watch it around the time Brandon Lee died. Then again...There are some things I can't stomach immediately. Like when Kurt Cobain committed suicide, I didn't listen to Nirvana for years.
I was more of a Soundgarden kind of gal anyway.
So, I have death on my mind. And though I know that the universe is infinite, what's the guarantee that we were reborn or that we will be reborn again?
I feel like I've lived past lives before, so why does all this death freak me out???
Earlier tonight, I've discovered the terminally ill patient that moved to Oregon to end her life, has passed on.
All I kept on thinking is WTF is wrong with the world that we focus on sh*t like this???
Why can't we discuss the pandas being born in the zoo or something?
Why can't social media focus on more positive things in the world out there?
Are we really a morbid global community?
Is it not just me?
I know I can't be the only one that thinks about this crap.
I woke up this morning after having a dream that a friend of mine had a karaoke show, and I went to it. The only problem about my dream was my friend had passed away back in February of this year. I always thought he would have outlived me even though he was older.
I'm the one with the weak immune system. Being out in public for too long gets me sick. I get really bad bronchial infections.
I admire my other half, Andy, with him going to dialysis. I've always told him one trip would probably kill me because my immune system is so compromised...
That's life, I suppose.
I've just been having constant anxiety. It starts out as headaches, and works it's way up to nausea. Well, that's how it works for me...No matter how much exercise I get.
Here's a poem I wrote from two years ago...I'll just leave you at that:
Oh how I wish you
Would stop running me ragged
You confuse and upset me
Twist and turn me
Make me jumpy
Lose my balance
I can't think
I can't breathe
Can barely sleep
When you're around
I wish you gone
Take your spells and leave
Take the negative with you as well
Let me be calm
Let me be in peace
That's all I ask
Poem, No Rhyme, Picture,
Chocolate
~~Diana
I probably shouldn't be giving away my secret, but a good stalker is the kind that never gets caught. For me, I am always looking up people. I'm curious. I'm an observer if you will. I always have to know who I'm interacting with, and I have to know what they're all about. That's just who I am...That's just how I roll.
So, if I can, I find them on Facebook...I Google them. But this is how I've always been. Yeah, I probably could make a good private investigator, and make myself $329,104 per year...or month. I'm not sure how this payroll thing works.
So, yeah, a good stalker would be a private investigator, and probably someone who knows their chocolate. Ha!!! I have no idea. I just threw that in for the prompts.
Speaking of chocolate....I wanted to post a different video from this movie, but I can't find it. But this was cute too.
~~DJ
Random, Quote, QOTD, Picture, Blog,
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Major Fail
Have you ever made a promise to yourself that you broke?
You tell yourself time and time again, "I'm going to do this!"
And you find that you never pull through???
Like New Years resolutions or something like that....
Do you know within this week, I totally had some great lines to put forth into poetry motion, but my laziness got the best of me.
I told myself I would start blogging in here every day.
I told myself more video posts....
NOTHING!!!
NADA!!!!
Two days ago was my last post. Which meant I missed yesterday. The post before that was three days prior.
Seriously???
I need to get it together.
I need to keep promises to myself.
How about you???
~~DJ
Prose, Poem, No Rhyme,
You tell yourself time and time again, "I'm going to do this!"
And you find that you never pull through???
Like New Years resolutions or something like that....
Do you know within this week, I totally had some great lines to put forth into poetry motion, but my laziness got the best of me.
I told myself I would start blogging in here every day.
I told myself more video posts....
NOTHING!!!
NADA!!!!
Two days ago was my last post. Which meant I missed yesterday. The post before that was three days prior.
Seriously???
I need to get it together.
I need to keep promises to myself.
How about you???
~~DJ
Prose, Poem, No Rhyme,
Monday, October 27, 2014
Forever
Working
in one of those smoky dives, which makes the place seem so small,
Addison wondered how she was going to tell Harold she needed to hold off on
their plans to get hitched.
It wasn’t that she didn’t love him; she
happened to have loved him very much. However, working in a Speakeasy in the
1930’s was a dangerous thing to do. If the coppers ever busted that place,
Addy, and those around her—including Harold—would be held accountable.
Addison decided it would be best to find a better
solution of work before taking the plunge. Harold
had told her not to worry about money. He said, “Money is no object.”
She knew that. However,
being the modern woman she was, she didn't want people to think of her as a gold
digger.
“They wouldn’t think of you that way, my
love,” Harold had promised her. “We’ll get married, and live far away
from here. I
am the king, and you’ll be my queen. We’ll be together forever.”
She gave herself a mental shake and
replied, “I know, darling. It’ll seem that way.” She
remembered how he smiled at her last words. It
was almost as if he was keeping a joke hidden from her.
“Sweetheart!” A
customer called out, breaking Addison away from her reverie. “Another
Manhattan, please.”
She nodded, and headed over to the bar.
“Hey Johnny,” she greeted the
bartender. “Another
Manhattan for the gentleman over there.”
“Sure thing, dolls,” He said. He
started to put ice in the glass when he noticed what he was missing. “Hey,
would you mind being a doll, and see if we have anymore vermouth back
there. It
seems I’m all out.”
“Yeah, sure. No
problem, Johnny.” She headed to the back to go look.
When she opened up the door to the back
room where all the extra liquor was, she noticed something was different. The
room looked a tad different, and there was no liquor there.
She decided to close the door to ask her
boss where the extra liquor was, but as she shut the door, she found she was no
longer in the Speakeasy.
“This can’t be right,” she said to
herself. There
had to have been something wrong. What was she forgetting?
She started to wander down the corridor
from where she shut the door, and noticed this wasn’t any ordinary
hallway. The
walls had an old and charming, yet, Gothic look to them. And
she noticed pictures on the walls. These pictures led all the way up a set
of stairs.
She lifted up her nightgown to walk up
the stairs, when it dawned on her. How did she get into a nightgown? Why
didn’t she remember leaving the bar? All these questions circled her mind as
she stopped dead in her tracks on the stairs to stare at this one particular
picture on the wall.
“Harold?” She
questioned. Surely
she must be dreaming. How else would she explain having no
memory of how she got into this place? What is this place? She
thought. A
castle, maybe. No! It
can’t be.
She hit her head! Yes!
That’s what it was. Addison was sure she hit her head and
passed out, and someone would wake her up soon enough. But
the problem was she wasn’t waking up. And just then, a pair of eyes fixated
on her. She
looked into those eyes, and ran into his arms.
“Harold,” she exclaimed. “I
don’t understand what is going on.”
“Shh, my love,” he held her tight. “You’re
still new, but soon enough you will remember everything.”
She shook her head as she wept. “No,
something isn’t right. I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” She
broke free and looked up at him. “You’re going to disappear from me,
aren’t you?”
“I can assure you, darling, you are not
dreaming, and I will never leave you,” he consoled her. “You’re
just missing bits and pieces. It’ll come to you in time.”
“I don’t understand,” she spoke
softly. She
looked around some more and asked, “Where are we?”
“Didn't I promise you we would live
like a king and queen?” He took a step back and held his hand
out to her. “No
one will harm you here. It isn't the Bran Castle, but I think you’ll find
this place more homely. Come. Take
my hand. Let’s
go back to bed.”
With a teary eye, she took his
hand. Harold
was the only one in the world she ever felt safe around. Why would
he ever steer her wrong?
As he led her back down the corridor,
flashes of memory appeared before her.
When she opened the door to the back
room at the bar, Harold was there. Her memory was still a bit fuzzy, but
she did remember leaving with him, and getting married after all. She
also remembered something else.
They headed back to the castle, and into
the bedroom where they had a night of passion, and they were feeding each
other. And
then.
No, she
thought. It
can’t be. But
as much as she tried to deny it, it still entered her mind.
She remembered what Harold asked
her. “Do
you trust me?”
“Forever,” Addison replied.
He smiled that smile that told it was
another inside joke, but still, he smiled at her. “I’ll
see you again in a few hours.” And with those words, he plunged his
sword deep into her chest.
Addison gasped at the blurred memory.
Harold noticed this, and quickly laid
her down on the bed. “What’s wrong?”
“You stabbed me,” she grabbed her chest
where she had been stabbed, but noticed there was no wound there. Even
her nightgown was clean. “Well, I thought you did.”
“Oh, but I did, my love,” he admitted
shamefully.
“But why?”
“It is the only way to spend forever
with me.”
~~THE END
©DianaJillian 10/27/14
Short Story, Prose, Horror,
Short Story, Prose, Horror,
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