Monday, September 5, 2016

29.9

29.9



Quote:
"I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."

A Talented Tongue....Submitted by Barbara
Incorporate a JD Salinger quote...submitted by Doris
Include the word "kickball"....submitted by Jay
Picture: Submitted by Jessica....Clues...Clueless...All ink'd up. The Name Game.

A talented tongue; she always had a way with words, but I could tell she was sad--very sad--and had possibly lived all her life that way.  I was--am--always paranoid, thinking people think the worst of me, while she was more of a kind of paranoid person in reverse.

I suspected people wanted to see my demise, while she suspected people of plotting to make her happy.  I was never born happy--but that's just how some people are.  I used to copy whatever other people were doing.  To tell the truth, I never knew how to show happy, and when I see people being overly happy, I try to stay away from them.

I'm not afraid of catching it.  They just always say to be wary of those who always seem happy.  I soon learned how true that is.

It seems every time I hear of someone taking their life, someone has always said in some kind of fashion, "But fill in the blank seemed so happy lately."

There is no such thing as beating depression.  You can suppress it though.  I do believe with proper exercise and diet, maybe you can beat it.  I was down that downward spiral.  I was standing on the edge of the cliff, wondering if I could fly.  I had people convinced while I was down that I was totally happy, and everything was great in my life.

Oh, I am good!  I can be quite the actress. I actually wanted to be an actress as a child growing up.  I just never had the courage to pursue that dream, and I don't think I ever will even if I still dream of it.  And no matter how depressed I got, either with reason or no reason at all, there was always something there to pull me back from trying to fly off the edge of the cliff.
I'm the one in the blue dress.

She did not have something to pull her back, which is ironic, considering I had always admired her.  She had this care, but don't care kind of personality, which is probably why she had so many friends.  She had this personality to where everyone just wanted to be around her.  It was like she was an addiction--a positive addiction.

She would always be the first person to try to cheer you up.  She never seemed like she took life too seriously.  She always went with the flow, while I always went against the grain.  As a child, I always thought we'd be inseparable like the characters in the movie Beaches.  I always thought of myself as the more quirky character Bette Midler played, while she was the Barbara Hershey character.  I just always thought we would be like that, and keep in touch the way the two women did.

But it did not happen that way.  People were trying to not see my demise.  Even when I'm in good spirits, people tend to think I'm sad.  It's just my face, people. It's just my face.  She had a natural smile to her. I don't think I've ever seen a frowny face on her.  Even when she got mad at her brothers, she still had a smiling face on.  I had always wanted to be like that.

I had always wanted to be the one to be able to make others laugh...Sometimes I do accomplish that.  But then there are some who are set in their ways, and won't allow themselves to laugh.  They want to feel the euphoria without having to deal with anyone.  If they have to deal with others, they have to come back to reality.





Since the passing of my childhood friend, the song Name always pops into my mind.  I really don't know why.  My favorite line is: "Scars are souvenirs you never lose; the past is never far."  In a way, she reminds me of that song.  Perhaps she always will.

But we hadn't really been close friends since childhood.  I kind of mourned our friendship a long time ago.  She threw me for some loops over the years. At one point it seemed like she wanted to be my friend, and then it didn't.  And then when I tried to end our friendship in a letter (Hey, I was 13!), she called me up crying, telling me how important I was to her.

Then two years passed, I didn't hear from her, and when I did, I didn't recognize her.  She was easily influenced by others, and I was easily influenced by her.  Some days I caught the kickball, and other days the kickball hit me right in the face when it came to our friendship.

I don't know what we were towards the end, and I guess I'll never know.

DJ

&&&&
http://dianajillian.blogspot.com/2016/09/299.html


~~






6 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Hooray for first! I should really start using my notes so I can give out awards...

      Delete
    2. We never truly see the torment that rules some peoples lives until it is to late
      I love how you handled this
      Stormy

      Delete
    3. Thank you...and so true!

      DJ

      Delete
  2. It's a loss that is always hard to comprehend. I have a couple of those in my past, and even thought I can't do anything about it I still feel guilty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, it's one of those torn kind of situations. It's like you think if you were there, you could have done something. But then there's the other scenario where they have to let you in. I don't think she wanted, nor needed me.

      Delete

Comments