Friday, December 4, 2015

Ships

Normally I would just write poetry, or refer to myself in third person under an alias name so others won't take so much offense to what's on my mind.

Not everything I write is going to be about a certain person.  That is why I never stipulate a name or the gender of the person I'm referring to.  I'm just talking--er, writing--in general.

If others' take it to heart what I'm writing about, it is then I know I've obviously hit a sore spot.  Even though I may or may not be talking about them. But even if so.  If you think I'm calling you out on your sh*t, why behave that way to begin with?

In any case, I lost my train of thought.  I'll be the first to admit I have my busy moments and by the time I wind down, I tend to forget to reply to someone.  But to tell you the truth, the longest lapse is probably about an hour or so.

Sometimes I'll let days pass depending on who I'm chatting with, so they can see how it feels.  Not that they care anyway.

Those are the one-sided ships I have been mentioning about.

And by "ship", I mean any kind of relationship.  Whether it be friendship, family ship, or a romantic relationship.  The rules should apply to everyone.  There shouldn't be exceptions made to the rule just because you're blood or you've known the person since you were three years old.

For years I've tried to keep the communication lines open.  I've tried asking people how their day was going.  I tried to keep the conversation going.  Then I'd get a response like, "Good."  But I'd get that response many days later.

Everyone is "busy".  I believe "busy" is a made-up term for saying, "Sorry, I know we've hung out a few times but, truth be told, I really don't want to talk to you."

It's fine. I get it.  I'd prefer if people were more  honest with me rather than drag my heart out on the street.  I'm busy too.

I have a husband who is sick.  I have a dog who is going senile.  I have a son who has medical issues.  I have a job that gives you no options to purchase affordable health insurance.  I have a forgetful grandma who will keep calling you until you talk to her.  I have housework to do like laundry and cleaning up.  And also I want to keep healthy with exercise and such.  Not to mention there's the once a week blog I've promised to post that I've been failing to do.

The list is endless.  Shall I go on?  There's no need.

I've seen television shows where the good guy gets captured by the bad guy.  All the good guy was trying to do was to try and stop the bad guy before others get hurt.  The good guy never seems to explain why they are saving the day; they just go and save the day the best way they can.  It's always the bad guys that are explaining why they have to destroy the day.

I just don't give out excuses...well, except for when I'm blogging...because it's not going to make the other person feel good when you tell them you've been busy.  There are some days where I don't feel so chatty, and so I'll say to said person, "Hey, we'll chat some other time, OK?"

Unfortunately for me, no one is ever happy when I tell them that, yet somehow it's alright for me to accept it when it's said to me.

That, my friend, are what is called a one-sided ship.

That's a toxic way to live.  No one should have to live like that.

No one should only have friends when life is going good for you and you're finally in a good place.  A person should be there for you all the time.  They should be there for you when you have kidney failure, or are diagnosed with cancer.  They should be there for you when your kid gets sick and is in the hospital.  They should be there when a loved one dies.

They should be there when you need a ride somewhere.  I know I was that person that was there for all my friends during their down times.  When I had my down times, they were gone.  I've since learned how to deal with life on my own, without friends.

And you know what I've learned?

I'm actually happier this way.

And then I had to start applying the same rule to family.

I got close to someone in my family a few years ago, and I got hurt badly.  At first you chalk it up to saying something like they're young, they'll learn.  But I've watched as the young grew older, and guess what?  They don't change.

Therefore, it's just their nature.

And while I have forgiveness in me, I'm not stupid.  I'm not mad either.  Yeah, that's what others say about me.  I've heard how bitter and mean I am when I have an opinion about something.  But I'm not mad.  I really am not mad at all.

I'm just cautious.  The saying goes if you don't learn from history you are doomed to repeat it.  Well this chicky ie., me, doesn't want to repeat history.  I think learning my lesson the first time is good enough.  Having to learn my lesson a second or third time would be just sheer stupidity on my behalf, and in which case, I would have deserved it.

If ever there were a case where I don't reply back to a text, it would be because either I never got the text or I was in the middle of something and forgot to reply back.  It doesn't happen often, but it happens.

OK, well!  This post is going to stay here where no one will read it.  I am just not ready for everyone to read this just yet.

DJ


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