39.8

I'll make a pitiful attempt to guess this week!

Blogophilia Week 39.8 Topic:

It All Started When...(LETA)

(Hard, 2pts)::  Include a lyric or a line from singer Mary Wells (CHRISTOPHER)



((Easy, 1pt)):  Incorporate the word "wayfarer" into your blog (TYLER)

Wayfarer--Noun.  A person who travels from place to place usually by walking.

Full definition of WAYFARER--A traveler especially on foot.

Wayfaring--Adjective.  

This week's bonus pic: (STORMY)

And in honor of last weeks events:

I am not even sure where this blog is going to take me.



I think I do now.  On Wednesday, I woke up with a plan in mind.  I don't get how it seems so simple to map out your day because nothing ever goes as planned.  I wanted to mail my friend out a birthday gift because it takes a good two weeks for it to arrive.

I was practically berated by the postal worker because my package wasn't properly taped and that I didn't have an address on it despite the customs form I had filled out because the last time I got berated for not having a customs form filled out.

I just walked out and decided I'll probably do so today.  But Wednesday brought on a bout of depression.  I just cried.  I thought I was over it, but Thursday came and went, and now Friday is here.  I still feel the funk.  I don't know if it's because I'm sick because I'm neutropenic, or if it is an actual bout of depression.

I wasn't even going to write this, but then I thought to myself I should get it done.  I put effort into the research before my depressed state of mind hit.  Who knows?  Maybe something will happen as I write this.

I just feel like it all started when I was born.  My mom almost didn't name me Diana Jillian.  I was going to be David.  She thought for sure I was to be a boy.  Then she thought of Diana, and then she thought Beth would be a good middle name for me.  Just Beth.  Nothing else.  Not short for Bethany or Elizabeth...but just Beth.

I felt in my heart I was a wayfarer of the soul....Like I've done nothing but roamed on foot from place to place in various past lives.  And when I arrived into this life, I felt like I was destined to be someone.

Seasons came and seasons gone.  Years have passed and now nearing into my 40's, I feel I've allowed those around me to defeat me.

I really wish there was a time machine.  I would at least go back...not to meet myself per se, but more to write my 10 year old self a letter telling her not to listen to what others say.  I would tell her that when she turns 13, she'll want to go into acting.  I'll tell her that her mother will tell her if it was meant to be, she would have put her in acting a long time ago.

I would have told her about being neutropenic and the challenges she would face.

I would leave a note telling her to silence those voices and do what you want.

Life, you took my heart, and you broke it apart.

I continue to not understand anything.  I hope I don't find my utopia in death.

DJ

Last

I want to write the last bit of my story.  I think I actually had an epiphany.  It all started when I got my hours cut.  I worked every single day in the month of October...with the exception of three days.

Don't jump to conclusions when I write a random thought in here.  I've had to change my story telling from my perspective, to the perspective of a made up character named Mandy in order to show that I just write what the prompts give me.

Last week's topic felt a bit random...And recently I had given up on something.  It doesn't mean anything more than that.  It didn't mean that I got annoyed at the notifications not being for me.  It didn't.  I'm a big girl, I know what to expect.

I'm not expecting a sunset on my life any time soon these days.  And while life is short, you still have a long life to live.  It's all about your perception.

When I had horrible friends, I wanted a short-lived life.  Once I got rid of them and all their negative juju...however you call it...I started looking forward to getting older.  There is a saying I see lurking around the internet that says something like getting old is a privilege denied by many.  I believe that's true.

I can't remember what's what anymore these days, which is an odd thing considering I never forget anything.  I changed accounts so much it's probably made heads spin.  Or it's still spinning as we speak!!!

Like driving around in a car, and having a donkey run the engine?  IDK.  I'm looking at this picture and thinking...what the???

I was going to make a list of quotes and put them in artwork....I got lazy, but here's one:

Just so you know I wasn't kidding about the artwork:

I don't know why I titled this blog "Last."  I just did.  I was getting somewhere but...well...I forgot!

DJ

Mandy and Co-Workers

Mandy's Dilemma Series:  9

Mandy got herself a job nearly a year ago after being gone for over four years in the working field.

At first, she dreaded working at her job.  Now, not so much.  In fact, she looks forward to it if only it means for her to get out of the house.  The money isn't the issue though it is nice to have a little extra play money to buy gifts and such.

She was struggling for years because she had to homeschool her kid and then her husband became deathly ill to the point where he could hardly see enough to drive.

Last month, Mandy took on the hours that no one wanted.  She was working 20-30+ hours a week.  Suddenly the month of November came up and the co-worker that couldn't work Wednesdays had suddenly started saying she needed Mondays off.

Mandy can only cover every other Monday shift considering she's working in the child care area every other Monday.  But what Mandy noticed was the days she told her boss she could fill in on those Mondays after 6:30, her co-worker is now working them.  This was the same co-worker that said she needed Mondays off.

Unfortunately for Mandy, she just has to brush it off and pray when she finds her next job, she won't have to be stuck with such a two-faced, wishy-washy person.  This co-worker already has a full-time job.  Why can't this co-worker just find something else and let the real people who need the hours have them?

Mandy is definitely conflicted about it but as always, she takes the higher road and says nothing.  She figures karma will get this co-worker in the end...Hopefully.










































Mandy, Dilemma 9

Mandy and Old Friends

Mandy's Dilemma

Mandy was cleaning out her email account.  She had old receipts saved in one folder and decided to make room for other things.

She doesn't just save receipts.  She saves pictures, writings, as well as various emails from her friends.

Mandy stumbled upon old emails from a friend she was dear to at one point in her life.  She stopped being friends with said person because that friend would often berate her for a post written behind closed curtains.

Mandy was having issues with her husband's health and the last thing she needed was someone telling her off via email.

When Mandy looked back at their old conversations, she realized the person wasn't so bad.  That person was probably just as stressed out as Mandy was back then.

Mandy thinks about giving the friendship another chance, but given the many times she's been burned by old friends...including family, maybe it's time to leave the past behind.



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Mandy, Dilemma 8

These Dreams

Blogophilia Week 37.8 Topic:  Dreams of Long Ago

"Ever since I was four years old, I loved making people smile, making them think, making them feel good, feel some kind of emotion."

Ann-Margret






"The critics had an image of me, and they wouldn't accept any other...I was a cartoon character. A joke."

Ann-Margret



As she was doing some research, Mandy realized she just might have a few things in common with Ann-Margret.

She always had a way of making people smile.  People thought Mandy was a smart and pretty little girl.  But that's the only image they have of her.  Nothing more.  She was not able to grow.  She became a joke over the year....She still is.  These dreams...

Dreams of long ago.  Mandy once dreamed she'd be someone.  She can't even get noticed, so how the heck can she be someone?

Mandy was giving up on Facebook.  She was giving up on something.

No one cared about what she posted.  They only care to tag her in their posts.  No one cared what Mandy ever had to say, but she was expected to care about what everyone else has to say.

OK...she gets it.

Last Sunday, Mandy signed off on FB.  Not that anyone noticed.  And she only went back on earlier that day because her husband posted a video he wanted her to see.

Mandy feels she doesn't belong here.  She feels she belongs somewhere beyond time and space.

DJ



































Mandy, Dilemma 7