Wow I can't believe I'm up past 3:30. I had every intention of going to bed right after work. I guess if I worked 9 to 5, I'd have been in bed a long time ago. 2:30 to 11:00 is my 9 to 5. Most 9 to 5-ers go to bed around 9-ish, so 3:30-4:00 would be my 9 to 5 bedtime. I'm done rambling.
I'm grateful to go home, I'm grateful for my new job, I'm grateful for hope, and I'm grateful to those that constantly support me no matter what. :)
Day 71 of the 365 Day Gratitude Challenge. Friday, September 9th, 2016
I had a bit of a busy day at my first job, which is probably why I was able to get in 6,000 steps for the day. And then I went to my full time job. It was slow, but I'm grateful for quiet moments.
Something hit me during the first portion of my old job. About three co workers told me that so and so mentioned I had gotten a job. It sadly pains me that I can never trust them ever again.
I was also told I shouldn't say anything as it would look bad against me. It really wouldn't as I only say what I'm thinking and I never say anything to anyone if I don't want anyone to know. Rumors are awful. And so I'm grateful for another eye opening moment.
Maybe after I finish this project, I can create a quietly grateful project. It will be learning how to keep quiet no matter how mad you get, and still talking about what you're grateful for.
First, let me say how grateful I am for making it another 10 days on this challenge journey. I'm surprising myself in so many ways considering I never seem to stick with anything for too long.
Second, I cannot express enough how much I am grateful for my fitbit! It is challenging me to get up and move around more. Being an artist, you're practically sitting in your office all day. I'm grateful I have a job to where I can move around, and another job to where I can move around on my breaks.
Third, I made it to 10,000 steps! A big WHOO HOO there!
And last, tonight at work at the Y, it wasn't so bad, despite the fact I was cleaning. It was a pretty fast time. And it helped me to get in my steps! :)
I'm grateful for meditation. Without it, trouble ensues.
I'm working on letting go more. Some days are tests, but I'm grateful for them because without those tests, I would never remind myself to get it together.
Quote:
"I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."
A Talented Tongue....Submitted by Barbara
Incorporate a JD Salinger quote...submitted by Doris
Include the word "kickball"....submitted by Jay
Picture: Submitted by Jessica....Clues...Clueless...All ink'd up. The Name Game.
A talented tongue; she always had a way with words, but I could tell she was sad--very sad--and had possibly lived all her life that way. I was--am--always paranoid, thinking people think the worst of me, while she was more of a kind of paranoid person in reverse.
I suspected people wanted to see my demise, while she suspected people of plotting to make her happy. I was never born happy--but that's just how some people are. I used to copy whatever other people were doing. To tell the truth, I never knew how to show happy, and when I see people being overly happy, I try to stay away from them.
I'm not afraid of catching it. They just always say to be wary of those who always seem happy. I soon learned how true that is.
It seems every time I hear of someone taking their life, someone has always said in some kind of fashion, "But fill in the blank seemed so happy lately."
There is no such thing as beating depression. You can suppress it though. I do believe with proper exercise and diet, maybe you can beat it. I was down that downward spiral. I was standing on the edge of the cliff, wondering if I could fly. I had people convinced while I was down that I was totally happy, and everything was great in my life.
Oh, I am good! I can be quite the actress. I actually wanted to be an actress as a child growing up. I just never had the courage to pursue that dream, and I don't think I ever will even if I still dream of it. And no matter how depressed I got, either with reason or no reason at all, there was always something there to pull me back from trying to fly off the edge of the cliff.
I'm the one in the blue dress.
She did not have something to pull her back, which is ironic, considering I had always admired her. She had this care, but don't care kind of personality, which is probably why she had so many friends. She had this personality to where everyone just wanted to be around her. It was like she was an addiction--a positive addiction.
She would always be the first person to try to cheer you up. She never seemed like she took life too seriously. She always went with the flow, while I always went against the grain. As a child, I always thought we'd be inseparable like the characters in the movie Beaches. I always thought of myself as the more quirky character Bette Midler played, while she was the Barbara Hershey character. I just always thought we would be like that, and keep in touch the way the two women did.
But it did not happen that way. People were trying to not see my demise. Even when I'm in good spirits, people tend to think I'm sad. It's just my face, people. It's just my face. She had a natural smile to her. I don't think I've ever seen a frowny face on her. Even when she got mad at her brothers, she still had a smiling face on. I had always wanted to be like that.
I had always wanted to be the one to be able to make others laugh...Sometimes I do accomplish that. But then there are some who are set in their ways, and won't allow themselves to laugh. They want to feel the euphoria without having to deal with anyone. If they have to deal with others, they have to come back to reality.
Since the passing of my childhood friend, the song Name always pops into my mind. I really don't know why. My favorite line is: "Scars are souvenirs you never lose; the past is never far." In a way, she reminds me of that song. Perhaps she always will.
But we hadn't really been close friends since childhood. I kind of mourned our friendship a long time ago. She threw me for some loops over the years. At one point it seemed like she wanted to be my friend, and then it didn't. And then when I tried to end our friendship in a letter (Hey, I was 13!), she called me up crying, telling me how important I was to her.
Then two years passed, I didn't hear from her, and when I did, I didn't recognize her. She was easily influenced by others, and I was easily influenced by her. Some days I caught the kickball, and other days the kickball hit me right in the face when it came to our friendship.
I don't know what we were towards the end, and I guess I'll never know.
Today was a slow paced day since I had the day off from work. And so I am grateful for that.
I am also grateful for getting a blog in early this week. I am still stumped on the prompts, and that's why it's been little memoirs here and there. Still, I am grateful.
I'm grateful for laughable moments. Let me start off with that. I had 7,000 somewhat steps in and got home...only to realize I had 15 minutes till midnight. And so I ran in place. LOL!!! I ended up with 9,300 steps by midnight. I so tried my best! hahahaha
