Heart

Here is a heart sticker...








I don't know what else to call it.  When I was a kid, we used to have stickers like this.

--DJ

The Unknown

Dear No Name,

I am so sorry we never got the chance to meet.  I know you've been waiting for the day we finally meet, but I'm afraid that ship has sailed for me, and it's probably better off this way.

I was once a successful person back in my youth, but my youth has gone and heading into middle-age, there's no going back now.  You would be disappointed in me anyway the way everyone else is around me.

The only thing I have to give is love, and I'm afraid love is not what makes the world go round, but money.  It's better off that you have not met me.  You would have romanticized expectations the way I have them, and I live too far in the clouds to ever reach back down.

I could stay at home and give you love, but then I would have no money to give you what your heart desires.  I could work and get a job to support you, but then I would have no love to give to you by the end of my day.

It would be coming home to more chores, helping you out with your homework, and cooking meals late at night.  Then I would give you a bath and ship you off to bed.  That's not exactly an ideal life either, and I'm sorry I had to be such a disappointment that you could not be in this world.

I am not successful.  I am a failure and a no one.  I would only bring you heartache, and eventually, you too would hate me in the end.

I'm sure you would have been everything I've ever dreamed about in a soul, but as I stated before that ship has sailed.

I've made all the wrong choices in life, but you would have had a big brother to look after you.  You would have had dogs and a bird that would be annoying as heck, but they would love you no less.  And I'm sure you would have been a blessing for all those around you.

But you're not here and you never will be.

I'm sorry you waited so long.

Love Always,

The One Who Would Never Be What You Expected.

~~DJ ©11/21/14





























Letter, Blog, Random,

Caitlyn's Dream

Caitlyn is always in a dream-like state of mind.  Her head is always up in the clouds, and she is constantly dreaming of fairytale endings to get her through her day.  Her life is sadly ordinary.  It's not really ordinary, but this is how she views her life.

The truth is she's a housewife and a mother of one.  Her only child is eighteen years of age, and she had thought that by now, her life would have more meaning after thirty-something years of life here on earth.

Caitlyn wanted so badly to have another child.  All her life, she dreamt of having a daughter.  And why not?  She had a son, why not a daughter?  But that dream never happened for her and now with her kid all grown up, she feels it would be wasteful to have another child at this point in her life.

She was planning on running away; getting away from the ordinary life she lived once her son turned eighteen.  Her husband of fifteen years didn't want to have any kids of his own.  He once told Caitlyn that meeting her with a kid was a bonus, because his goal was to never father a child in his life ever.

Of course, this broke Caitlyn's heart.  She loved her husband more than anything, but she knew that eventually, she would have resentment towards him for not giving her a child all those years ago.  So she decided she was going to leave him once her son turned eighteen.  Sadly, that chance never happened.

For the past two years, Caitlyn's husband has been sick.  Not to mention Caitlyn herself had been taken off the medical system because she no longer had a kid under 18, nor was she pregnant, nor did she have a disability.

She was a housewife with high anxiety and depression.  Anxiety and depression are not visible disabilities, so the government doesn't see this as a legal excuse to be considered disabled.  There is no such funding for being a housewife and a caregiver.  So that left her stuck, and often entrapped in her dreams.

She believes that somewhere out there, in a parallel universe perhaps, she's living the life she's only dreamed about.  How else can you explain the constant dreaming of being with this guy and not realizing you're stuck in a continuum of a dream?

Caitlyn knows and realizes the possibility of a parallel universe, and it makes her jealous.  She is jealous of her parallel self.  Why couldn't such a beautiful life had happened for this Caitlyn in this life?

She will always sigh and cry, wondering where she went wrong in her life.  Why she can't get a job in this reality, and why she is struggling to make ends meet.

Sometimes it be that way???

~~DJ























Prose, Short Story, Random, Blog

The Remote Control

Ah, the remote control.  The technology of today.  I could remember having a remote control as a kid, but you also had the option of being able to change the channel by hand.  Try doing that now.  Good luck.  Now if you lose your remote, you're pretty much screwed.

You can't function the television like you used to be able to.  You need a cable box to watch anything.  And they've tried to make the cable remotes universal, yet I can't find the proper codes for my television or my DVD player.  Yes, I still own a DVD player.  I even still own a VCR....Don't laugh.

I just haven't transferred my videos to DVD or whatever it's transferred on these days anyway.  I notice they still sell VCR's, but have you seen the prices on them????  It's gotten crazy.

Anyway, I have a TV remote, which is separate from my cable remote, and let me tell you my TV remote doesn't always work.  Then again, my cable remote doesn't work well either.  But I have so much hooked up to the TV it's unreal.

I got an Amazon Fire TV box so I can watch Netflix because my son said that the PS3 I was using was using up all the internet.  I have a hard time believing that, but OK!  Sure!  Whatever you say.

I mostly use my Amazon Fire TV for listening to Pandora.  That's besides the point.

I have to change the channel settings on my TV from TV to HDMI3 because HDMI3 was the only port the HDMI cable fit into.  Go figure!!!  And it works in port three.  Now the funny thing about my TV remote is it doesn't always work!!!!

I can press the volume button several times by the time it starts working.  I have hit the source button several times and have had to repeat the process of going from TV to HDMI3 so much it annoys me.

Half the time my TV is off anyway....Or it's just used as background noise for the dogs so they don't bark as much.

But I need the TV for when it's hockey season.  And when I watch shows, I have to use the CC or I will not be able to understand what is being said.  I can hear well, it's just sometimes, actors can speak fuzzy.  I really can't explain it.

I do wish though that my remote was a universal remote.  Meaning, I wish I could travel with the remote.  As long as I'm back on time to fix dinner...

*sigh*

Someday, perhaps.

~~DJ





























Random, Blog, Picture,

The Time I Was Wrong

Alright....I was going to write last night but I got sleepy....*ahem*  OK, I was being lazy.  Hey, when the cooler weather sets here in southern Florida, I become very lazy.  That, and the fact I'm still sick.  I haven't gotten over whatever-the-hell-this-thing-is cold quite yet.  Though I have been feeling slightly better in the past two days.  I've been more tired, but I've been feeling better.

OK, before the Benadryl sets in...

One of the writing prompts was to write about a time when I was wrong.

Well, according to.....Just about everyone I know, I am wrong about 90% of the time.  So I can't just pick one time when I was wrong....

It just seems like if I go to defend myself, I'm being sensitive and need to relax.

If I'm just trying to vent about something, I'm given advice on what to do, even if I don't want it.  Or even if I've already something differently.

If I state what I've done, I get told, "Well you shouldn't have said, 'da da da da da dum.'"  And all I can do is shrug and feel cursed because what's done is done....

In my defense, I was born wrong...


Although...


How wrong could I have possibly be?  I've lived this long in life.

I do happily admit when I'm wrong, and when I am wrong, I do apologize for it.  I am not ashamed to do so.

I know I'm wrong about me being successful.  I have to come to grips with that and admit it.  And I know it's easy for someone to say count your blessings.  I do...Don't get me wrong.  But all that does is it gets you to appreciate what you already have.  What about appreciating what you want?

I don't know...

I must say goodnight now.

I will forget being successful and just focus on me.

Hey, I've been wrong this far in life, something is bound to turn up right.

~~DJ

































Random, Blog, 

The Home I Grew Up In

Okay, so I was on my favorite place in the whole wide world (Pinterest), when I stumbled upon a site.

25 Writing Prompts...Click here to read

And I thought to myself:  What the heck?  What do I got to lose????

I've been wanting to vlog but I don't think you'd want to see my sickly face until I'm feeling better LOL.

The first challenge on her list was to give a tour of the home you grew up in.

Okay, let me start by saying I have TONS of pics from childhood.  And I am sure I have them all.  I know I scanned them once upon a time, but I believe that was about a few years back before I had to get this new computer....Let me see what I can post...

I was either six or seven in this pic...

Holding my Care Bear....

That's how long ago this pic was taken. LOL

OK, I was trying to find an old pic...But to tell the truth, I didn't just grow up in any one house....However, the one house that was constant was my grandma's up until 8 years ago.

All I know is when we moved from Brooklyn to a magical place called Hewlett, NY.  The old man that lived in the house died and his daughter sold the house to my grandma.  She gave me a little tiny broom...Because I always liked to sweep up like my grandma LOL.

There was a laundry shoot to the basement.  There were all these little secret compartments...Especially in the basement.  There was a hole in the wall...Inside the wall had my grandpa's record collection and if you looked to your left, there was another secret compartment....It was the boiler room area.  So strange.

The house was originally an gray and red house.  It was a fake red brick on the bottom half and a gray wooden top....The windows were old, and the doors were so old, the knobs were made out of crystal or glass of some sort.  You needed a skeleton key to unlock the doors.  Eventually, as time passed, we got better windows and doorknobs...Also, we replaced the outside of the house with blue aluminum siding.

After that, the rest of the neighborhood made their houses out of aluminum siding.  We had an old house that was believed to have been built in the 1930's, and so there was no central air.  We had to rely on the good old window air conditioners.  So you can imagine the hallways and the bathrooms being hot as hell and stuffy due to lack of air.

The radiators worked just fine.  They would make strange noises like a ssssssk, sound.  It's rather hard to explain...And if you woke up in the middle of the night, I swear you could hear the old man roaming around the house.  The house was creepy as hell, but it had an old world charm to it.

It was enough of a charm for me to miss that house.  I only hope to one day make lots of money and hopefully be able to buy that house again.  Just for sentimental value....

I've never really had that as a child because we always moved around...A LOT!!!!  Living with my other half...This is the longest I've ever lived in one place.  I've been living here for almost 15 years now and while I'm free to move about...Though not really because gas prices...Even though they lowered....They still suck in price....I still suffer from cabin fever.  I feel the need for change and to move again...Start anew.

Well, that's it for me in a nutshell.  I'll see if I will continue to follow her writing prompt and see where it goes.

TTYL..


~~DJ  11/17/14












(Memoir) (Picture) (Random) (Blog)

QOTD

"If you hear a voice within you that says, 'You cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."

~~Vincent Van Gogh

--DJ

Update 11/16/14

I had been meaning to write in here.  Unfortunately, some days I'm lucky if I can get around to my computer.  My computer tends to get angry with me from time to time when I neglect it for a certain matter of time.

I mean, sure I've been able to be on here computer wise and not tablet-wise, but my time gets limited.  I have had a hectic week.

It all started on Monday when I did an hour of yoga.  I've always done the same routines, but this time around, I have not recovered from my usual exercise.  I had been sore for days.  Normally if I exercise, I'd be sore the next day and fine the day after that.  The fact that I was sore for almost a weeks means one thing...

I've been sick and didn't know it.  What gave it away?  The usual sharp pains in my chest whenever I've developed a bronchial infection of some sort.  Mucinex D is a lifesaver for someone like me.  But the problem is I've grown so immune to getting sick that....I wouldn't even know if I was REALLY sick.

I swear, if I make it to 40, it will be a freaking miracle.

Anyway, I found a list, and I've created a list of things to blog about.   I've even considered getting back into the vlogging world.  I did it once upon a time and it was fun.  I mean, yeah it's a long process.  First you run a rough draft of what you would like to say.  You call action and cut whenever you want certain parts omitted from the video.

Then you're stuck with at least a half hour or more of footage, and you have to manage someway to keep the vlog at least 5-10 minutes long...This is only so you don't lose the attention of the audience...OK, so you don't lose the attention of me who likes to walk away from things and not finish my

What was I saying?

Well, it's here, and I will get back into the swing of things.

I have been thinking about the Etsy thing lately.  I was thinking of Jillana's Jewels...But I'm not really running a jewelry shop.  I mean yes, they're bracelets, but it's mostly fabric.  I also want to make necklaces and upcycle some things.

Eh, I'll figure it out...

TTYL

~~DJ