I always try to get my brain right before posting. But I know if I do, I’ll never post in a timely fashion.
I do want to write a story, but what’s the point when no one pays attention to the words I write?
So, it’s up to me to make changes! I have to put “making changes” on my top priority list!
I’ve put everyone else and everything else on my priority list. It didn’t matter if I was going through a battle of depression. It didn’t matter if my husband was sick. It didn’t matter if I had to take my son to the hospital. If you needed me, I was there!
I made the efforts to keep in touch with people. Write them. Send them emails. Text them, etc. I would have 100 priorities to do, and I would rearrange them all just to fit you in. Even when I was going to school and working and homeschooling my son, I still put you there on my priority list.
I put off writing my stories, or whatever it was I deemed important, for you...for anyone!
I went to my cousin’s graduation after my eye surgery. I picked a friend up from work because their ride broke down. I’ve taken them to work when I should have been on my way to the movies. I’ve watched kids for friends and for my husband’s niece and nephew when I didn’t want to watch anymore kids because it was so painful to watch kids that weren’t my own, and now I have to face facts I’ll never have any more kids. I have to mourn that. And while in mourning, or working on my own projects during down time and my days off, I will drop everything if you need me!
That’s the kind of person I am!
I never expected anything in return, but then it dawned on me that when I needed someone--either a shoulder to cry on, or something--no one bothered to add me to their priority list. I get told they have their own emotional trauma going on, and they have to be in a good place before they can even speak to me!
Um, asphinctersayswhat? I openly admit my bi-polar/depression disorder. I want people to know what’s going on in my head so they won’t feel they’re alone in this world like so many have made me feel my whole life!
I openly discuss my anxiety disorder. I openly discuss my eye surgery and my psoriasis, and my deal with weight gain, etc...
I still manage to put all that aside for others. It doesn’t matter if I feel crippled mentally. It doesn’t matter if you’re the most negative person on the face of the earth, and I just need to be around all things light and positive. It doesn’t matter if I just need to see funny memes or funny shows on TV. I would have dropped all that for you!
But now, I’m putting myself on the top of the priority list. And it’s about time I did!
I can’t keep being a doormat!
DJ
