Dreams

I'm a little annoyed as I see these post that state we only dream of what we know.  I call it bullsh*t.

I'll give you a clear as day example.

I can remember being in the third grade and dreaming I was in the school hallway of a school I've never seen before, and I waved at a boy I've never met before.

Flash forward to a year later....The dream I had the year before was the image that was happening.

I had no idea we would be moving.  I had never seen that school prior to my dream.  I've never seen that boy prior to my dream.

We as humans are not given enough credit just as to how much we can use our brains.  Einstein once said we only use 10% of our brains....What about the other 90%?  Couldn't it be used for premonitions or telekinesis?  I know a lot of religious goers will say this is the devil speaking...But oh well!

I only know what I know.  I just get tired of seeing the same posts telling us it's impossible to dream of those or things we've never seen or been to before.  It's ridiculous.  Open your mind to possibilities.

That is all.

DJ

Ships

Normally I would just write poetry, or refer to myself in third person under an alias name so others won't take so much offense to what's on my mind.

Not everything I write is going to be about a certain person.  That is why I never stipulate a name or the gender of the person I'm referring to.  I'm just talking--er, writing--in general.

If others' take it to heart what I'm writing about, it is then I know I've obviously hit a sore spot.  Even though I may or may not be talking about them. But even if so.  If you think I'm calling you out on your sh*t, why behave that way to begin with?

In any case, I lost my train of thought.  I'll be the first to admit I have my busy moments and by the time I wind down, I tend to forget to reply to someone.  But to tell you the truth, the longest lapse is probably about an hour or so.

Sometimes I'll let days pass depending on who I'm chatting with, so they can see how it feels.  Not that they care anyway.

Those are the one-sided ships I have been mentioning about.

And by "ship", I mean any kind of relationship.  Whether it be friendship, family ship, or a romantic relationship.  The rules should apply to everyone.  There shouldn't be exceptions made to the rule just because you're blood or you've known the person since you were three years old.

For years I've tried to keep the communication lines open.  I've tried asking people how their day was going.  I tried to keep the conversation going.  Then I'd get a response like, "Good."  But I'd get that response many days later.

Everyone is "busy".  I believe "busy" is a made-up term for saying, "Sorry, I know we've hung out a few times but, truth be told, I really don't want to talk to you."

It's fine. I get it.  I'd prefer if people were more  honest with me rather than drag my heart out on the street.  I'm busy too.

I have a husband who is sick.  I have a dog who is going senile.  I have a son who has medical issues.  I have a job that gives you no options to purchase affordable health insurance.  I have a forgetful grandma who will keep calling you until you talk to her.  I have housework to do like laundry and cleaning up.  And also I want to keep healthy with exercise and such.  Not to mention there's the once a week blog I've promised to post that I've been failing to do.

The list is endless.  Shall I go on?  There's no need.

I've seen television shows where the good guy gets captured by the bad guy.  All the good guy was trying to do was to try and stop the bad guy before others get hurt.  The good guy never seems to explain why they are saving the day; they just go and save the day the best way they can.  It's always the bad guys that are explaining why they have to destroy the day.

I just don't give out excuses...well, except for when I'm blogging...because it's not going to make the other person feel good when you tell them you've been busy.  There are some days where I don't feel so chatty, and so I'll say to said person, "Hey, we'll chat some other time, OK?"

Unfortunately for me, no one is ever happy when I tell them that, yet somehow it's alright for me to accept it when it's said to me.

That, my friend, are what is called a one-sided ship.

That's a toxic way to live.  No one should have to live like that.

No one should only have friends when life is going good for you and you're finally in a good place.  A person should be there for you all the time.  They should be there for you when you have kidney failure, or are diagnosed with cancer.  They should be there for you when your kid gets sick and is in the hospital.  They should be there when a loved one dies.

They should be there when you need a ride somewhere.  I know I was that person that was there for all my friends during their down times.  When I had my down times, they were gone.  I've since learned how to deal with life on my own, without friends.

And you know what I've learned?

I'm actually happier this way.

And then I had to start applying the same rule to family.

I got close to someone in my family a few years ago, and I got hurt badly.  At first you chalk it up to saying something like they're young, they'll learn.  But I've watched as the young grew older, and guess what?  They don't change.

Therefore, it's just their nature.

And while I have forgiveness in me, I'm not stupid.  I'm not mad either.  Yeah, that's what others say about me.  I've heard how bitter and mean I am when I have an opinion about something.  But I'm not mad.  I really am not mad at all.

I'm just cautious.  The saying goes if you don't learn from history you are doomed to repeat it.  Well this chicky ie., me, doesn't want to repeat history.  I think learning my lesson the first time is good enough.  Having to learn my lesson a second or third time would be just sheer stupidity on my behalf, and in which case, I would have deserved it.

If ever there were a case where I don't reply back to a text, it would be because either I never got the text or I was in the middle of something and forgot to reply back.  It doesn't happen often, but it happens.

OK, well!  This post is going to stay here where no one will read it.  I am just not ready for everyone to read this just yet.

DJ

40.8

40.8 Giving Thanks Means...

2pts:  Writer's Choice
Use the word empyreal in a sentence.

Empyreal:  Pronounced:  Em-PIR-ee-uhl
adjective-
1. Pertaining to the sky; celestial; empyreal blue
2. Pertaining to the highest heaven in the cosmology of the ancients


1pt:    Writer's Choice
Include a quote from Audioslave




"I am the highway."

--Audioslave


Picture:

Giving thanks means to me
Remembering to always be
Every time; not just one day
In ways to set your mind free

Trapped inside a nightmare
Balancing on sweet dreams
Changing of the turning tides
Is what giving thanks means
©Diana Jillian 11/25/15



Sorry for this.  I was going to wrap up the chapter story here but I am running out of time.  Rather than having to feel pressured....I'll just do this and hopefully I can get the story finished next week...

I will always do what is right,
Rather than what's in my heart.
What's right turns to my heart
And it tears my thoughts apart

I watch as empyreal mourns
Over all that which I am torn
Cause I'm much like a library
Memories of the past reborn

My path has already crossed
Solemn vow voids sacred day
And it is too late to reconsider
Even if I am the only highway

My feelings cannot be truthful
I'll never choose to reciprocate
Afraid of karma looking about
I have sealed my only true fate

This chance cannot mean to be
Love was never meant for me

©Diana Jillian 11/28/15




Sorry, but I have no guesses this week.  I can't believe it's Saturday.  I wanted to write another chapter but  was busy with work...

DJ

39.8

I'll make a pitiful attempt to guess this week!

Blogophilia Week 39.8 Topic:

It All Started When...(LETA)

(Hard, 2pts)::  Include a lyric or a line from singer Mary Wells (CHRISTOPHER)



((Easy, 1pt)):  Incorporate the word "wayfarer" into your blog (TYLER)

Wayfarer--Noun.  A person who travels from place to place usually by walking.

Full definition of WAYFARER--A traveler especially on foot.

Wayfaring--Adjective.  

This week's bonus pic: (STORMY)

And in honor of last weeks events:

I am not even sure where this blog is going to take me.



I think I do now.  On Wednesday, I woke up with a plan in mind.  I don't get how it seems so simple to map out your day because nothing ever goes as planned.  I wanted to mail my friend out a birthday gift because it takes a good two weeks for it to arrive.

I was practically berated by the postal worker because my package wasn't properly taped and that I didn't have an address on it despite the customs form I had filled out because the last time I got berated for not having a customs form filled out.

I just walked out and decided I'll probably do so today.  But Wednesday brought on a bout of depression.  I just cried.  I thought I was over it, but Thursday came and went, and now Friday is here.  I still feel the funk.  I don't know if it's because I'm sick because I'm neutropenic, or if it is an actual bout of depression.

I wasn't even going to write this, but then I thought to myself I should get it done.  I put effort into the research before my depressed state of mind hit.  Who knows?  Maybe something will happen as I write this.

I just feel like it all started when I was born.  My mom almost didn't name me Diana Jillian.  I was going to be David.  She thought for sure I was to be a boy.  Then she thought of Diana, and then she thought Beth would be a good middle name for me.  Just Beth.  Nothing else.  Not short for Bethany or Elizabeth...but just Beth.

I felt in my heart I was a wayfarer of the soul....Like I've done nothing but roamed on foot from place to place in various past lives.  And when I arrived into this life, I felt like I was destined to be someone.

Seasons came and seasons gone.  Years have passed and now nearing into my 40's, I feel I've allowed those around me to defeat me.

I really wish there was a time machine.  I would at least go back...not to meet myself per se, but more to write my 10 year old self a letter telling her not to listen to what others say.  I would tell her that when she turns 13, she'll want to go into acting.  I'll tell her that her mother will tell her if it was meant to be, she would have put her in acting a long time ago.

I would have told her about being neutropenic and the challenges she would face.

I would leave a note telling her to silence those voices and do what you want.

Life, you took my heart, and you broke it apart.

I continue to not understand anything.  I hope I don't find my utopia in death.

DJ

Last

I want to write the last bit of my story.  I think I actually had an epiphany.  It all started when I got my hours cut.  I worked every single day in the month of October...with the exception of three days.

Don't jump to conclusions when I write a random thought in here.  I've had to change my story telling from my perspective, to the perspective of a made up character named Mandy in order to show that I just write what the prompts give me.

Last week's topic felt a bit random...And recently I had given up on something.  It doesn't mean anything more than that.  It didn't mean that I got annoyed at the notifications not being for me.  It didn't.  I'm a big girl, I know what to expect.

I'm not expecting a sunset on my life any time soon these days.  And while life is short, you still have a long life to live.  It's all about your perception.

When I had horrible friends, I wanted a short-lived life.  Once I got rid of them and all their negative juju...however you call it...I started looking forward to getting older.  There is a saying I see lurking around the internet that says something like getting old is a privilege denied by many.  I believe that's true.

I can't remember what's what anymore these days, which is an odd thing considering I never forget anything.  I changed accounts so much it's probably made heads spin.  Or it's still spinning as we speak!!!

Like driving around in a car, and having a donkey run the engine?  IDK.  I'm looking at this picture and thinking...what the???

I was going to make a list of quotes and put them in artwork....I got lazy, but here's one:

Just so you know I wasn't kidding about the artwork:

I don't know why I titled this blog "Last."  I just did.  I was getting somewhere but...well...I forgot!

DJ

Mandy and Co-Workers

Mandy's Dilemma Series:  9

Mandy got herself a job nearly a year ago after being gone for over four years in the working field.

At first, she dreaded working at her job.  Now, not so much.  In fact, she looks forward to it if only it means for her to get out of the house.  The money isn't the issue though it is nice to have a little extra play money to buy gifts and such.

She was struggling for years because she had to homeschool her kid and then her husband became deathly ill to the point where he could hardly see enough to drive.

Last month, Mandy took on the hours that no one wanted.  She was working 20-30+ hours a week.  Suddenly the month of November came up and the co-worker that couldn't work Wednesdays had suddenly started saying she needed Mondays off.

Mandy can only cover every other Monday shift considering she's working in the child care area every other Monday.  But what Mandy noticed was the days she told her boss she could fill in on those Mondays after 6:30, her co-worker is now working them.  This was the same co-worker that said she needed Mondays off.

Unfortunately for Mandy, she just has to brush it off and pray when she finds her next job, she won't have to be stuck with such a two-faced, wishy-washy person.  This co-worker already has a full-time job.  Why can't this co-worker just find something else and let the real people who need the hours have them?

Mandy is definitely conflicted about it but as always, she takes the higher road and says nothing.  She figures karma will get this co-worker in the end...Hopefully.










































Mandy, Dilemma 9

Mandy and Old Friends

Mandy's Dilemma

Mandy was cleaning out her email account.  She had old receipts saved in one folder and decided to make room for other things.

She doesn't just save receipts.  She saves pictures, writings, as well as various emails from her friends.

Mandy stumbled upon old emails from a friend she was dear to at one point in her life.  She stopped being friends with said person because that friend would often berate her for a post written behind closed curtains.

Mandy was having issues with her husband's health and the last thing she needed was someone telling her off via email.

When Mandy looked back at their old conversations, she realized the person wasn't so bad.  That person was probably just as stressed out as Mandy was back then.

Mandy thinks about giving the friendship another chance, but given the many times she's been burned by old friends...including family, maybe it's time to leave the past behind.



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Mandy, Dilemma 8

These Dreams

Blogophilia Week 37.8 Topic:  Dreams of Long Ago

"Ever since I was four years old, I loved making people smile, making them think, making them feel good, feel some kind of emotion."

Ann-Margret






"The critics had an image of me, and they wouldn't accept any other...I was a cartoon character. A joke."

Ann-Margret



As she was doing some research, Mandy realized she just might have a few things in common with Ann-Margret.

She always had a way of making people smile.  People thought Mandy was a smart and pretty little girl.  But that's the only image they have of her.  Nothing more.  She was not able to grow.  She became a joke over the year....She still is.  These dreams...

Dreams of long ago.  Mandy once dreamed she'd be someone.  She can't even get noticed, so how the heck can she be someone?

Mandy was giving up on Facebook.  She was giving up on something.

No one cared about what she posted.  They only care to tag her in their posts.  No one cared what Mandy ever had to say, but she was expected to care about what everyone else has to say.

OK...she gets it.

Last Sunday, Mandy signed off on FB.  Not that anyone noticed.  And she only went back on earlier that day because her husband posted a video he wanted her to see.

Mandy feels she doesn't belong here.  She feels she belongs somewhere beyond time and space.

DJ



































Mandy, Dilemma 7

Mandy and Blog Pages

Over the week and weekend, Mandy decided to clean up her blog pages....Since she's no longer on said social network site, she has quite a bit of time on her hands.

She was cleaning up her blog pages....She noticed she had about several blog pages open.  But what exactly were they for?

Well, one of them was for her stories that she writes.

Another one is for the jewelry and artwork she creates.  She also uses that page to show how she revamps clothing and such.

She took the blog pages that had no meaning, and switched all her posts to her most frequently used blog pages.  It's a long and tedious process.

It might have taken her a while to complete...Nearly a week later, but she's accomplished it.

Then she decided to separate her other two blogs..Meaning she has five blog pages...and turn them into private mode.  One for dreams, and one for journal writing.

But then something happened yesterday.  Mandy was working on one of her blog pages and she put a note down to the audience saying if they want to read her stories, to go to this website, and that's when it dawned on her.

She realized that whenever someone creates a webpage, they always have multiple tabs for others to go to.

And when you can't afford a webpage, you create blog pages.

So now Mandy is thinking about putting one of her pages back to public, and creating a new category.

Only  time will tell.

She definitely knows she should separate her blogs like you would on Pinterest or anywhere else.  That's why they allow you to add more blog pages.






























Mandy, Dilemma 7

Who's a Whovian?

The random QOTD....Question of the Day....Rather than Quote of the Day...

I'll leave you with that.

Mandy and Social Media

Mandy got a text three weeks ago from a friend who disconnected themselves from social media.  Well, from the BIGGEST social media site out there!  We all know the site Mandy is referring to.

Mandy started thinking about it.  That social media site is her downfall.

She's so consumed with all the likes she gets but in reality, she would be ignored.  And she does get ignored.

In fact, in her blogs she has told stories and while others comment, their final comments are something along the lines of, "Oh, I need to catch up!"  Or something like that.

Mandy wants to take a page out of her friend's book.  She wants to cut herself off said social media site as well.  It's a waste of her time and it diminishes her creativity.

But there is one page Mandy likes to go to once a Week.  She likes the weekly prompts that are given for her blog topics.  Those keep her creativity going.

The reasons why is because it gives Mandy the incentive to do some research.  It enriches her mind to other possibilities out there.

So while Mandy will go back to the way things were from January to March earlier this year--that means only going on said social media site once a week for blog prompts--she's pretty much done with that said social media site as well.

It's not that great of a site.  It doesn't display things in order.  Half the time you'll see a post from two days ago.  It's not like the Picture social site or other blogging sites where they show everything in a timely fashion.

Mandy will be happier for this in the end.

It's not like anyone out there will miss her anyway.





























Mandy, Dilemma 6

Epiphany

For some reason...I think Epiphanies should look like this:





Well, that's what I made on 9/15/14 last year....An epiphany looks like an explosion to me!























































Picture, Artwork,

QOTD

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
~~Mark Twain

For many years, I was allowing myself to be the option.  No one would contact me until they needed me most.

I had to dump those people.

If I didn't, there would be nothing left of me anymore.

I'd be nothing.

I wouldn't even be writing this.

My energy would have been so drained...I'll leave you to imagine the rest.

 I was someone's chauffeur; I was their babysitter; I was even there when they didn't want to be "alone".

 Yet,

I was alone.

No one cared about me when my husband got sick.

 In fact, they all disappeared.

And they wanted to remain Facebook friends or something like that.

 I've been resulted down to social media to them.

 I was no longer a human being they met in person.

I was now just one of their buddies online.

 Well, no thank you.

I've decided to let them play those games with someone else.

I had enough.

 Well, that's the QOTD.  I'm on to writing my blog...Later on...




















(QOTD) (Picture) (Random) (Blog) (Prose)

Night Echoes

The following link is for the EMPATH writes...

CLICK HERE TO BE DIRECTED TO THE LINKS PAGE TO READ THE OTHER CHAPTERS...

"I try to leave out the parts readers skip."

~~Elmore Leonard

"I don't believe in writer's block or waiting for inspiration.  If you're a writer, you sit down and write."

~~Elmore Leonard.





Falling into the night echoes
Where my heart always goes
Then I realize and freeze
Feeling the forest breeze
I know the rain will stop soon
And show me the light of moon
But only when all of the pain
Becomes washed away by the rain

©Diana Jillian 10/12/15

I may continue that later on.....Who knows???

It's Not You

All I can say is, "It's not you, it's me."
It just simply wasn't meant to be
As I look for sales of the loans I made

I only know there's no amount of glue
That could ever fix my heart from you
But I know to never be friendly again

I've waited, I've searched, I've wondered why
I would be given false hope, and a gray sky

Whatever it was you made me believe
Was only just a plan for you to deceive

You left me to feel pain, to sit and cry
And now I have to go and say, "Goodbye!"
For what other choice was I given?

All I can say is, "It's not you, it's me."
It just simply wasn't meant to be
As I'll never get close to others again

©Diana Jillian 10/4/15

29.8

Hey There! :)

Here's a video I made...It's a gif of hearts...



~~Diana











































Video, Random, Blog, Picture, 

27.8

I was asked to post something of a ditty
But here is something a little bit........pity
And if you thought I would curse in my blog
Then surely you've been living in a hazy fog!

~~DJ


Dreams~~By Robert Herrick

Here we are all, by day; by night we're hurl'd
By dreams, each one into a several world

              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Tears are the noble language of the eye."

~~Robert Herrick

A Break in Reality by Xetobyte on Deviantart.com

STUCK WITH ALICE

Watch as she freely tries
So slowly how time flies
Rhyming the tick to tock
Trying to break the clock
And did you honestly think
Father Time would shrink?

I miss the days of my youth
The unknown innocent ways
When death had no phase
Simple; those were the days

But I lost the remote control
Along with my youthful soul
And instead we're all hurled
In a harsh and bullied world
Sometimes a break in reality
Is a good way to keep sanity

Every now and then...

Written by ©Diana Jillian 8/24/15




NOTE:

This is just a fictional write.  I've never felt I had a youthful soul in any way.  I was born a little old lady.  This is just a write...No meaning.



That's all I got!!!

~~DJ










































Poem, Ditty, QOTD, Picture, 

Mirror

They never bother stopping by
And yet you question reasons why
You never see you are the blame
Making others feel your pain

You punish people with your curses
And pushing them with your own verses
An "I told you so" given at your hand
As you control everything on your land

And you wonder why you're alone
Or why no one goes near you
And if they do, it's only out of fear
The misery you infest is true

Written by ©Diana Jillian 8/21/15

QOTD

Today's quote:

"We're blind to our blindness.  We have very little idea of how little we know.  We're not designed to know how little we know."

~~Daniel Kahneman















































QOTD, Picture,

Nothing New

Nothing New




I have no rhyme to my writing today
Not today
Too much has gone on
And sucked the life out of me
So here is my story to you
Monday mornings usually suck
But this time, I blame Tuesday
You had to go and ruin my week!
I can't see the light of day
I can't hear the thunder fading away
I can't touch the rainbow
Because the storm still lingers
No sunshine to taste
No warmth to feel
No flowers to smell
Just....NOTHING
Oh, melancholy week, just go away!
Even if the dark angel is welcoming
I'm not ready to return home just yet
Not quite yet...

©Diana Jillian 8/8/15

Poem, No Rhyme, Picture,

The Days of Days

This is the beginning of the days of days
Writings that go around so many ways

This is all I really have for now
And I shall take an awkward bow

There will be more as the weeks roll by
Stay in tune for when I stop to say, "Hi."

©Diana Jillian 4/6/15, Monday

QOTD

Today's Quote:

Picture, Quote, QOTD,

The Destination of My Dreams

By ©Diana Jillian 7/14/15

I seek from where I search to find
The new destination of my dreams
But what I seek is as always blurry
Nothing turns out the way it seems

Once you state your goals out loud
They will never, ever come true
I know it well as it speaks volumes
You can't fix damage with glue

Becoming a total liquefaction
The Earthquake aftermath
Buried under all that rubble
For someone else's walking path

I'll keep reaching until I find that goal
Surely it's somewhere deep in my soul









































Poem,

Yearning

Yearning is something that is not a foreign concept to me.

I always see others suffering from the "Grass is greener complex", but the truth is, I notice this because it's a habit of mine I can never get out of.

For a moment, I think I'm smart, unstoppable.

But then I let one person ruin my mind.

And I know why.

I already think lowly of myself.

So, when someone else says it, it kinda proves it true.

I am just blogging rather than posting a poem or a story.

Because I let it happen that way.

I am weak-minded.

"I am indeed amazed when I consider how weak my mind is and how prone to error."


And then I get discouraged, and as I get discouraged, THE MUSE I had, has gone into hiding.

There's nothing left but a hollow shell of what was once me.  She is gone...The spirit is gone.

~~DJ







































 Vocabulary, QOTD

Lately...

Have you ever had depression say to you, "Psst!  Hey!  Let's end it all!"  And you think to yourself, Yeah!  That would be a great idea!

But as always, logic comes in and says, "But how will you do it?  Hanging sounds painful, and you could still be alive.  So is shooting yourself.  Sleeping pills sounds good, but when will you be able to take them without freaking out everyone?  I mean, do you want them to find you dead, or in the hospital after you've had your stomach pumped?  What if there really is a God, and it is frowned upon to kill yourself?  What if there is an afterlife, and you only get punished even more than you're being punished now?"

Logic never shuts up.  He/She keeps on going.  "And who will take care of your dogs and bird?  Who will make sure the husband doesn't drive himself off a cliff after dialysis with a blood pressure reading of 80 over 15?   Does he even know what pills he needs to take?  Cholesterol?  Blood Pressure?  Anti-Depressants?  Does he know how to use the insulin pen?"

He/She doesn't stop there.  "And what about your son?  Yeah, sure he's 18...Almost 19 now.  But he forgets to take his shots.  He still needs someone to kick him in the butt and remind him to keep plugging at it for his high school diploma, because that's important."

Depression says nothing.

Love steps in and says, "Yes, no one will be able to take care of them, but that's why depression is there.  Depression is around because Self isn't taking care of itself."

Alright, so there's this whole battle going on inside my head.  Everyone thinks they know what's best for me, but I'm the one that has to have the best judgment.

Last night was pretty bad. I had a rotten day, and then my husband was joking around with me.  Instead of laughing, I cried.  I CRIED!!!

Today, I told someone I'd work for them, but I had no idea they would pull these last-minute conditions on me.  Now I have to pick up kids in an un-air-conditioned bus!!!!  To top it off, the building still has no air.

So yeah, it's depressed me.  And then I think I can go to my one and only salvation online...only to find out the notifications aren't even for me.

It's not anything really, but for me, it was the icing on the cake.

What's even worse is I have to get up very early in the morning....And I'm wasting my time venting on a blog rather than writing the story I have in my head...And for what?  Because I'm hurt, and no one cares.

No one wants to hear you complain.  It's so funny, because all I do is hear EVERYONE in my life complain...But when I do it, no one wants to hear it...


So here's to another blog that goes ignored...


~~DJ

Survival

It's a post I had...I made a few good points here...

The A to Z survivor challenge...Shall I choose to accept...Wait a minute!!!!  I have accepted this if I am writing this, right?  Anywho!!!


I am writing this because of several reasons.


01.)  I am an idiot
02.)  I don't know when to quit
03.)  Despite what I know, I'm still a wishful thinker
04.)  I lied completely when I said I would start writing for me
05.)  I'm only doing this to fish for comments
06.)  And when no one responds, I cry about it
07.)  I'm in fetal position right now
08.)  Still sulking it out
09.)  Taking a deep breath
10.)  Continue on
11.)  Repeat steps 1-10 and never EVER learn my lesson.

Okay, so I'm writing a review on this past month's A to Z Blogging Challenge.

I've survived...even though I don't know how.  Last year was a bit overwhelming at first, but I was able to accomplish my A-Z challenge.  My blog title was under the Random Ramblings of an Artist, which you can find somewhere on WordPress.  Don't ask me for my URL name because I've changed it so many times since then.

Alright.  Last year was not so easy.  I was under tremendous pressure.  I was about to undergo eye surgery.  The doctor said I had Basil Cell Carcinoma on my left eyelid.  I think it was a lie, but you know how doctors are.  They want money, and they also want to cover their arses.

Last year I was so depressed, I had to watch teeny bopper shows to keep my mind off all this negative crap going on in my life.  I had friends that ditched me in my time of need.  It's always about them and never about me or their kids.  Eh, un-evolved souls that never learned the meaning of balance, I suppose.

But that's just me...at it again...making excuses for parasites that aren't even in my life anymore.

A FEW HOURS LATER...

Alright....The A to Z challenge of 2015...RIGHT!

There is really nothing to change about the blogging thing.  Really.  Although in the beginning, I got confused as to what they wanted as far as titling your blog.  Like your blog name, followed by a (WR) next to it.  I think it would be easier for others to do so if let's say they see it in a screen shot, perhaps???

.............................................................

Alright...It's the next day now...Yes, I am a dork.  I make Spongebob references.  I make Whovian references, and I definitely make Supernatural references.  Don't judge.

But truth be told, the A to Z challenge is not up to the creators to make the change...It is up to us writers to make that change.  We know this happens once a year, and we should be better prepared for it.  And by "we", I mean "me".  I should be better prepared for it.  And hopefully I will have the time to do so now.

I have eleven months to get the next challenge going.  I was only in a rush this  year because I tackled on a job on top of my already hectic schedule.  When you're a writer, it's pretty much a full-time job, but I don't need to tell you that.  You already know this.

Well, try writing, and taking care of pets, cleaning the house, balancing the bills, taking care of two sick people, and then adding on a part-time job on top of it all!!!!  I get a few hours to myself total...and sometimes weekends.  But even those weekends have to be divided to driving 200 miles to see my grandma who loves to see me.

But I'll get there...I'll get there.  I have all these books on time management that I will get around to reading eventually.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.  There is a serious party constantly going on in my head.  It's very hard for me to focus on one thing at a time.  Maybe I need to get checked for adult ADD or something???

Well, this is my challenge post.  Sorry it's not much.

~~DJ

Xanthous

XANTHOUS

Meet the older woman with the now xanthous hair
Who once upon a time had hair the color of brown
As soon as she became a teenager, it slowly changed
White hairs were popping up even though it was strange
It was supposed to have been gray, not white
That's usually what happens with brunettes; it turns gray

How did this happen?  She often wondered to herself
Having no clue, she started dyeing her hair black
It was the blackest black you could possibly imagine
For she always liked being a girl with hair darker
But as time passed, more grays started popping up
Making dyeing her hair more impossibly by the minute

She gave up and decided on blonde...And perhaps with blonde
It will blend the grays in much better.
But
This depressed her so much, she still kept the black hair
Despite the fact it was time to give up
And that was when it dawned on her...

Just like how her hair changed from wavy to curly
Maybe her hair chemistry is changing from brown to blonde
It could be possible as anything is possible
Her family all had blonde hair as children, all except her
And their hair grew blonde by the time they were adults
Anything is possible, she thought to herself

Despite denial, xanthous it shall be...FOREVER!

©Diana Jillian

When

When the moon is bright
Day turns into the night
When all feels so wrong
You'll know you belong

From deep in your bones
When urging to cast stones
Try not to fall too blind
Remember always be kind

You know who you are
And that'll take you far
Weird is a total blessing
Normal is always missing

Never let them dull your smile
When walking down a mile
They're the ones missing out
When seeing you standing stout


©Diana Jillian

Very

Very/Vagabond

Hey Everyone!

Now every time I use the word "very" I often think of muchiness!!!  "You've lost your much, Alice.  You used to be much muchier."  LOL.  Very funny stuff....or is that silly stuff?

VAGABOND!!!

That's a good word to use on V day.

I've moved around so much when I lived in NY that, by the time I moved to FL, I was growing uncomfortable by the minute.  I've been in the same house now for about 14 years or so....I'm starting to now treat it like it's my home....I just need to organize better.



I once was a vagabond who roamed from home to home
I did not have a real place to where I truly felt I belonged

Silence fell all around me as I felt so alone and soulless
But I knew that one day, I would find my place to call

HOME


After many years of my youth, feeling like something was
So very wrong, and so very out of place, I finally feel like

I can finally call a place I've lived in, one I have memories of
One where I can do whatever I like to rearrange and just feel

HOME

I am finally home!

©Diana Jillian

Time

TIME

Anyway...

Time is ticking away as we all run
Become a slave to society; to the clock
Do we ever stop to make time for us?
When birds fly, we go with the flock

And if we lived on a planet with more time
They would say we need to work some more
Because our lives are never about any fun
But it should be able to open up the right door

Sadly, we're classified the moment we're born
Why do we have to suffer and choose to endure?
When we were all born to be free from the flock
And go down a path we really want; one that's sure

But here we are as time ticks itself away
We all run to the clock like sounds of a gun
We need to stop every now and then because
We need to remember a time when we had fun

©Diana Jillian

Saved

This is an update...Whatever it was before, is no more...

___________________________________________
Sources of the unknown, trying to find its way back
And give you all of the details you might have forgotten
Varies with different types, depending on its age
Ends with frustration and crying out, "Where did I put it!"
Done with finding; searching for the original piece

©Diana Jillian

Satisfied

SATISFIED

Serene serendipity has landed me nowhere
And everywhere I have ever wanted to be
Yet you would think I would be satisfied

But sometimes life isn't about being happy
It's about appreciate what you're given
And that is the supposed key to being happy?

What would keep me honestly satisfied is knowing
Is to have someone explain to me how this works
How is it getting what you don't have supposed to suffice?

I thought the object was to go for what you're after
And get the exact things you were looking for
Not to settle and accept less and it is what it is

How is that in any way supposed to keep me satisfied?

©Diana Jillian

Rest

Rushing to rest and all for nothing
Working for little pay is wrong
Yet it's something we all do
We can never get our feet back on ground
Every up situation gets turned around

There is no rest for the wicked

Going home to do some more work
Cooking, cleaning, care-giving, never stops
It never ends, yet goes unnoticed, unappreciated
When you start looking for a sign
You start running out of time

No rest for the wicked

©Diana Jillian

Part Time

Partially screwed as overwhelming moments kick in
Aside from the part-time job I already have on top of everything else
Running as fast as I can, just trying to catch up
Time really wants to mess with my mind...no doubt about that!
|
Theory is because I need time management skills
I never seem to have time to read that book
My mind is never clearly focused
Every time it gets, it runs away from me


©Diana Jillian

O Pictures

Random pictures....They're the letter O themed.

DJ

Over

Over and over in repeat
I try to figure it all out
Though I wan to retreat
I have myself a seat
Over something bittersweet

I want to scream and shout
But that's not lady-like of me
Inside I am giving a big pout
I wonder if I'm on the right route
And I should remain tall and stout

If only you could see what I see
Would you understand my mind?
If only others could let me be
Would they set themselves free?
From a life of painful misery

And if you look to be kind
Running over in a loop
Your mind will unwind
And in unwind you'll find
That you're never in a bind

When you find the right group
You'll have properly flown the coop


©Diana Jillian

Random

This is a random pic I found on Pinterest

DJ

Name

Nothing and everything
As it can all be a disguise
Maybe some day I can figure it out
Even before my time is gone

©Diana Jillian

Money

Money makes the world go round
Only an old saying since the beginning of time
Never is life ever about love or caring
Everything is all about the green and gold
Yes, it's even about the silver and oil

©Diana Jillian

Later

Later on we will laugh at this moment
But not today, as I cannot go on
Soon it will happen, just not today
For now, we shall go our separate way

Later the sun will rise and shine
But not for now, it's only a rain shower
Some day the gray's will turn white
And my days won't seem like night

Later on but....Not today

©Diana Jillian

Key

KEY

The key is to breathe
Focus on your breath
Meditate
Have fun
Get sun
Enjoy the little things
That's the key to focus
To be keen on key
And to remember
To take life
One day at a time

©Diana Jillian

Key

THE KEY

Key is breath of life
Everyone should know this now
Yet it's hard to get

©Diana Jillian

Joke

Hey Everyone!!!!

The joke's on me...But not really.  Huh!  I think I actually wrote a poem like that.  Um, no.  Not the "not really" part.  But yeah, the joke's on me.

Have you ever gotten to the point where you feel like the joke is on you?  Where people say things like, "Oh, let's hang out."  And you make arrangements to hang, and then they just leave you high and dry????

Or when they say, "Call me," or my favorite, "Text me."  Only for them to either never answer???

I have Plankton from Spongebob ringing through my head.  It was the episode where he was jealous of Krabs' life, and decided to switch places.

In the end, he realized he was better off as himself and also made the decision that Krabs' life is very traumatizing.  I guess it's more of an epiphany moment...I guess.

You may think the joke is on  you, but the truth is the joke is on them.

Maybe they're embarrassed of the lifestyle they have chosen to live, and don't want you to see the life they posted on Facebook or Instagram isn't real.

Maybe their intentions are there and good, and they're tied down to something they don't want you to see.

The joke is on them because they're missing out on an opportunity to interact with others socially...in person that is, and not on the internet.

JOKE'S ON ME

The joke is on me?
Lost in reality
A generation lost

When you can actually see
Your mind will be set free
Sorry is when it's all gone

And you'll see you were wrong
When you find you don't belong
In a lonely society built for thee

The joke is on me
When in reality
The joke is on you

©Diana Jillian

Joke

JOKE'S ON ME

The joke is on me
Crowded in a dream-like sleep
Generation lost


©Diana Jillian

Invisible

INVISIBLE

Invisible is not to be confused with invincible
Never to be confused with Immortal, or Immoral
Very few are seen clearly when invisible
It's almost as if they're purposely ignoring you
So it possibly is, but why do you think so?
Is there something that shines about you?
Beyond all your years here on this earth?
Let it be known you cannot feel inferior
Even if jealous eyes wish it upon you

©Diana Jillian

Invisible

INVISIBLE

Jealous eyes behold
Invisible to the touch
Only in their dreams

©Diana Jillian

Heavy

HEAVY

I feel so heavy
Worrying all of the time
I need to let go

©Diana Jillian

Heavy

My head feels heavy
The pressure is on me
Took it off the shelf
Put it all on myself

What I yearn
I need to learn
What to feel
How to deal

Mirrored frown
Upon my down

Pushing through a must
To sanity or to bust
And when you think nice
You better think twice

Stuck in the rattled cage
Rising up on the rage
The calm after the storm
Fighting ways to keep warm

What it seems
What it dreams

©Diana Jillian

Going & Gone

GOING & GONE

Gone and Going
Leaves me unknowing
In the distant silent wind

Silent screams flowing
The water left blowing
In the corner of my mine

Going, gone, and
Digging in the sand
As time passes by

And one day I'll rise
Reach up to the skies
But not today

Tomorrow, maybe

©Diana Jillian 

Gone

GOING, GOING, GONE!

Giving into unnecessary negative vibes
Onto a day that was supposed to be sunny
Into the gray and colorless day
Never knowing what tomorrow brings
Gone as the day rolls into night

Great things are supposed to happen
On looking is the negative vibe
I try my best to ignore it all
Not realizing how much it creeps up
Going and faded as the day is done

Great!  For now I've lost my sane mind
Or at least I thought it was sane
Never look back into the negative
Euphoria is gone; now back to dysphoria

©Diana Jillian 

Fragile

FRAGILE

Fragile heart
As the day turns long
Becomes heart of stone
Still easy to break
But a sharper surface
Maybe one day
The heart can turn steel
And succumb to numb
©Diana Jillian

Fragile heart of love
To wish for a heart of stone
Would be called cheating
©Diana Jillian

Fragile

***FRAGILE HEART***

Fragile heart of mine
Running through time
And seek through energy
Giving me an eternity
In time and in space
Living in my place
Ever lasting in my head

Healing is my nature
Every time I hurt
As always, I grieve
Relive the event in my head
Then I learn to get over it

©Diana Jillian

Elaboration

ELABORATION

Elaboration
Is not in my nature
It's not my passion
As I like to leave behind
A piece of mystery
To entice
To make you wonder
And sometimes wander
Off in thought

Elaboration is key
But it leaves no mystery
For an audience

It may as well be 
A picture painted
Or taken
Or drawn

But writing is funny that way
It's a painting of words
But even painters
Leave an air of mystery
Everything is not as it seems

Well, not always

©Diana Jillian

Everything

(((EVERYTHING)))

Everything
Is not what it seems
It's not what it dreams
I don't even know myself
Not anymore
But I used to
Black and white now gray
Because of everything
It's not what it seems to be

Everything is there
But it gets you nowhere
If you allow it

Everything is everywhere 
Everything isn't nothing
It's something
Look around

Life is funny that way
When you think it's nothing
It suddenly turns into something
Everything is something
Everything 
Is not as it seems

Well, not always

©Diana Jillian

No Rhyme, Poem,

Delusional

DELUSIONAL!!!!

Delusional

Being disillusioned 
What do you mean I can't ride my unicorn?
What do you mean I can't grow wings and fly?

I don't like what you're saying
I shall walk away
And continue my path...

Down that yellow brick road

©Diana Jillian