Here's a couple of throwback pictures... You have the picture.
This was my first CPK doll. Her name is Alla Amanda. I have her in the shed somewhere, along with my Powerpuff Girls memorabilia. While I don't like to show it, I do have a very nerdy side to me. LOL. My mom wanted to get me a doll with brown hair, brown eyes, and tan skin to make it identical to me. My eyes and hair have changed over the years...Quite drastically I might add. Any who... Right After the CPK fiasco, my parents were suddenly on the ball with all the potential fads that might have been out there toy wise. That year, I was given a My Little Pony and a Care Bear. Her name was Cheer Bear.
I still have my original Cheer Bear somewhere. I couldn't bear to have thrown her out despite her missing a nose. But a few years back I found some more Care bears in stores and got a couple.
I've always secretly liked Grumpy bear... They sit up on my shelf till this very day. I just keep them as decoration. I used to have a collection of teddy bears when I was younger, but I lost them somewhere in between moving around over and over...and over again. But I've probably said this stuff already. I have such a great memory that most don't remember what I say and I get to repeat myself as many times I want.
I wanted to set my mind free, like a well-made, thoughtful puzzle
The pieces all seem to be there, but one is always somehow missing
This is where my recurring nightmare never ever seems to go away
When they shut the door on your face, and promises lead to dissing
In my shadows, I am comfortable, and I find the peacefulness in me
I have learned to forgive, but still, I only wanted to get some closure
Instead you slammed the door in my face, and then called me pathetic
Then you threw me into the sun, unexplained, burned from exposure
You couldn't be bothered with answering a simple teeny tiny question
You turned it around to make it all about you. I guess the joke's on me
And like a fool, I kept on forgiving you, like a beaten dog to its owner
And after I protested against making friends, you just couldn't let me be
So you hooked me in, and I fell for the friendship thing despite the lies
And when I needed a friend, you couldn't be bothered to lend a hand
When I ask, "Why?" You claim I'm mean and being very over-dramatic
Then you coldly laughed at me while burying me deep into the hot sand
Then I see you once again, and I really don't know why, but you wanna try
Welcome to my nightmare, I think you're gonna like it, and feel you belong
I want to make you feel what I felt, but a leopard never changes its spots
And so your words confuse me when I haven't heard from you in so long
I was scrolling through Tumblr earlier when I stumbled upon the quote in purple. I went to look for it again, when I found another Hemingway quote I liked. So I created it.
If I were a smart person, I would really not bother showing up to work. But sometimes...Actually, most times, the heart beats out the brain.
I was trying something new out. I saw something online about some writing prompts. I thought I'd give it a shot. One of them was to write a letter to someone...
Dear Lost Person... I get that sometimes I'm not in my right mind. Sometimes I don't let LOA take over and guide me. Some days I forget. I am working towards it. But now that I AM of sound mind, I have made the ultimate decision. When I found you still listed in my contacts list, I was honestly shocked. That's why I was like I was surprised to see you there. I never expected a reply back from you to tell the truth, because when I sent you a happy birthday email, you never replied, and you never bothered to send me an email wishing me a happy birthday, which tells me I was the last person on your mind. You once called me like a sister, but there I was, giving you rides, a shoulder to cry on, and a babysitter whenever you needed one. Not one showing of gratitude ever came from you. So when you replied and you were like you wanted to be friends, I was like screw you. Then I asked you if I hadn't contacted you, would you have contacted me at all to tell me this? *Silence* Then I put out the words, "I forgive you," though you did not apologize (but really, you need to), and you tell me you can't deal with anymore of my "drama?" Really? That's what a friend says? That's what a "sister" says? So, here's my decision. I can't be friends with someone that's afraid of the truth, afraid of confrontation, afraid to answer questions, afraid of communication, and afraid of their own shadows. I hope only for your sake, your daughter doesn't pick up your habits. And you DID know about me...You just pretend you didn't. It's been a year exactly because that was the time I did go to the doctor and that was the last time I contacted you...first...as always. Friendship is a two way street, and you're not willing to bend to be friends. If I was tough on you, that was only because I saw the potential you didn't see, but you know what? That's none of my business. This letter will never reach you because I know somewhere, in some way, you'll find a way to take my words and twist them into something I didn't say or write. You only pick out what you want to see/hear. That's fine. Hey, so how many friends do you have, BTW? Have a nice life!!!! :) I wish you well!!!! Just remember....KARMA!!!! It does work. DJ
