Sunflowers

Originally written on Tuesday, 1/11/11 by ©Diana Jillian (That's Me!)    :)

Epiphanies can be time consuming

But they can also be great

You come across a thought
And it's become a lifted weight

But have to train your brain

On what to expect

I’ve tried for months
To get some good respect

I needed to live for me

To say, “Let it all go!"

And just live for me
But the process was slow

But I couldn’t do it at first

And I didn’t know why

Nor did I know how
How do you wave goodbye?

Then the switch flipped

The bell went ding!

FINALLY in my head
Was a song I could sing

I watched the game

I played the game

I wrote a bit
I know it sounds lame

But then I called someone dear to me

I sat alone for my thoughts to center
I dug deep into the corners of my mind
Places where I never dare enter

I gathered them like fall leaves
Raked them up in a pile

For me to play and jump in
And lay around for awhile

Now bathing in the sea of happy
I'm living in the world of manifest
But to honestly tell you the truth
Focusing on me is the hardest test

But once I focus, I feel warm inside
The numbness has finally left my side

Only thoughts that make me smile
It surely has been a long while

And all of the negative

Are being pulled out like weeds

As I Look around 
For other sunflowers like me

But as you may know

All flowers of any kind

ARE WELCOME!

Wink

Smiley Face Sticker

~~DJ

Birds

A Haiku

By ©DJ


































(Picture) (Haiku)

The Old Maid

Written 1/6/15 by ©Diana Jillian

I am the old maid
The one who never got paid
Not in money or attention ever

My heart hurts and is heavy
Feeling the weight of an old pick up Chevy
When does it finally stop?

I cannot breathe
And yet I can't believe
This is all real

Every dream has turned dead end
When everyone gets a corner bend
But not for me

Never for me!

Why am I still here?

--DJ

A Year To Remember: 2014: What A Fool I Was

Hey All!!!

I've been trying and TRYING to get on here to blog, but every time the holidays arrive, craziness just happens.  I don't know how it does, but it does.

That's usually when I just zone out and chill, because I know that's the only way I'll get through depressing times like the holidays.

To tell the truth, Christmas is only fun when you're a kid.  Once you become an adult, Christmas is just depressing and :p

Oh, right!!!  Getting to the point...Er, sort of!!!

I was wanting to do an in-depth review of this past year...Where to start???

Um, January...I guess I'll start from there.

So January came and went.  I was trying to get back into the swing of things with exercising and such.  It's very hard to do so when you sprained your foot the year before.  Ankles are easy to sprain and recover from... The foot...NOT so much!

February...

I had decided to make a video diary of my exercise progressions.  hahahaha...That turned out to be a total joke.  It's all still somewhere around my computer....unpublished.  And probably will remain that way.  Eh, I'll figure it out what to post and what not to.

My phone screen busted again and I had to pay to get another screen replaced.  I re-published my book Into the Night.  You can find it on Amazon under my author name Diana Jillian.  Oh and yes, my mind is that fucked up, thank you very much.

March/April/May

This was a very crucial time for me....I should also add May in here as well...

In March, I was having a problem with putting makeup on my eyelid.  There was a skin tag on there that was suddenly bothering me.

I finally had to face facts and see an optometrist/dermatologist.   You can't go to a regular dermatologist when you have moles or skin tags in your eye area.  You must be seen by an optometrist or no deal.

Well, the biopsy came back as basil cell carcinoma.  Most of you already know this song and dance...

And this is where the fool in me comes into play.

I was an idiot...A fool.

I was there for everyone. 

I gave people rides when their car broke down.  

I watched their kids when they had no babysitter.  

I went places with them when they didn't want to fly solo.

I lend a shoulder for them to cry on.

I listened to their problems.

I was there when a loved one passed away.

I was there for it all.

And in return...

I get asked for opinions and then when they don't like my answers, I get told that I'm opinionated or cynical.

I get diagnosed with skin cancer, and suddenly people think that cancer is contagious or something.  


Wait!!!

I take that back.

Let's rewind two years ago to August 26th, 2012 when my husband was rushed to the hospital.

I started losing friends then.

They acted like kidney failure was something they could catch.

When my friends were sad and down on times, I was always checking up on them.

When I was down on times....No one bothered and the ones that genuinely care, are the ones that live nowhere near me.

What does that say about me???

I'm no good once you get to know???  In person???

I'm better off without friends to hang with.

I have other people in my life....

My other half is one of them.

In the end, I realized who my true friends and family are.

I can't be bothered with those that can't be bothered by me.

Not that I'm a bother or anything....


But this year was all about learning....It was a total rebirth.  That is a conversation I will get into next blog.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, ALL!!!!!  

~~DJ






































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