Never Go To College Unless You Can Afford It

You know.  Normally I don't post such crummy things like this.  But something needs to be said.

All I had wanted for 13 years after high school was to go to college.  That's all I wanted.  Nothing more.

Well my financial aid ran out because I used up all 6 years of full terms....Though I don't know how I used up 6 full years considering every time I tried to go back to school I failed miserably.  I always had something to do.

Work would give me an opportunity to make money.  My son would get sick and I would have to take him to the doctor.  I would oversleep because I barely ever get any sleep.  Then I would be late to class.  There was always something that was getting in my way of getting that education that's supposed to be "so important" to have.

Well guess what?  The only thing that you have to deal with when you're a person like me is student loans...

Yup....Those stupid student loans.

I miscalculated my future planning.  I thought for sure that the moment I graduate, Casey would be 18 and I'd be free to get a job.  A full-time job I may add.

What stops me from getting a full-time job now?  His medical benefits.  I would lose it and then have to find a way to pay 10,000 a month in medical bills all just to keep my kid from getting sick and possibly dying.

I haven't had a job in 3 years.  Have I tried to look for a job?  Yes.  I have.  In fact, while I spent my 9 miserable years working for a company that treated me like crap, I was looking for better work then.

I couldn't find it no matter how hard I tried.  You need a degree...You need a degree...You need a degree.  So I get one and boom. Now I'm over-qualified.  I have an ASSOCIATES degree and I'm over-qualified.  That's just their way of saying that they're too cheap to pay me what I deserve to be paid.

Which is why minimum wage keeps going up.  Good job America!!!

If you don't have the money, don't go to college.  You're smart enough.

Never get a student loan because they will confuse the snot out of you.  I got student loans specifically for classes.  Now I'm finding out that I owe on personal student loans.  I made a payment...A small one.  I want to pay off the ones with the higher interest first and be able to move on from there.

I can do this...I know I can.  I just have to focus on one thing at a time and I will get to where I need to be.

But please just because I catch a break doesn't mean most won't.

I can't find a job right now because of Andy and his illness.  I will figure all this out in good timing.

I know in the end...With the proper shielding and guidance....Everything will work out well.

















































Random, Blog, Venting,

You Can't Fool Me

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” 

Winston Churchill has said it best

And as I type here I wonder about those lame telemarketers

Who lack a soul; who have no zest

I am an earth sign.  Virgo is my zodiac.

Other elements tend to restrain me but I remain

Grounded to my roots I remain calm to a point

When I attack, you’ll see who’s won this game

One push too far I will not hide my sweet side

I will show you my fangs and just how hard I bite

You will wonder what it was you did that was so wrong

I will point out all your flaws with all of my might

If you still fail to see, I will then calm my earth self down

No longer causing those quakes that made you quiver

Forgiveness is what I know best of all things

But I walk away forever and will leave you in shiver

Do not mess with earth people as they know it best

They try to stay as calm as they possibly can be

Tread lightly as they say on mother earth

Elements be warned, you can’t fool me

You can’t fool any earth.

5/5/13 Written by ©Diana Jillian

Poem, Picture,

No Warning

It all came without warning
As I woke up to this groggy morning

And I ask you where is the sun?
On this dreary day that's gone for a run

And left behind gray clouds to play
Dripping their menacing tears today

Rain, rain, rain in the sunshine state
On days like these, I never want to awake

And for now, I must wait
For I know that the place of fate

And it will end when it says when
That's my queue to count to ten

After the rain, snowbirds arrive
Crushing and bruising, yet one must survive

Written by ©Diana Jillian Thursday, 5/2/13
































Poem, 

Leaving The Past

Leaving the Past  

Written by ©Diana Jillian 4/30/13, Tuesday

Who knows where it truly goes?

How you know where the river really flows?

All I know is I’m slowly learning to letting go

And as I slowly learn

It’s what I truly yearn

For the past to keep present

And I know it’s very, very wrong

And I keep singing the same damn song

I know what truly needs to be done

And it’s hard to let it all go

But when you finally do let go

The truer you emerges free

And who knows where this new journey leads us?

Destinations far and wide by plane, car, truck or bus

Maybe by train or just plainly walking, heading to the unknown

And it’s scary at first and instead of moving you retract

Looking over your shoulder, reliving the pain, you reenact

And it’s that step, that last step that never moves forward

You’ve found your position known in the comfort zone

Not realizing it leaves you paralyzed and all alone

So you try with all your might to break yourself free

And the past comes back the more you try

And the past brings pain the more you die

You must once more ignore the past

Trying to find a way to break yourself free

But on that road you wind up going back

To give it one more try; you make an attack

But the fish are not taking the bait this time

And you still keep on trying

While inside you’re dying

Trying to find a way out

Your final last attack

While looking back

Is your own reflection\

Telling you to go

Because you already know

How to move yourself forward

You were just too afraid to move

Leave the past behind

You must learn to be kind

To yourself

In the long run

When it’s all done

The past is just the past

A forgotten memory

Poem, Picture, 

Rain Will Rise

Rain Will Rise

Written by ©Diana Jillian 4/21/13

When I awake
I'm full of nightmarish screams.
Wishing I could sleep forever
In the land of promised dreams.

I cannot shake my disappointment
I cannot end this disillusion.
What I face leaves me confined.
It leaves me alone with confusion.

And like the falling rain
It soon sets and dries
Evaporates
Into the skies

And like the falling rain
Comes the end of pain
For a new day to begin

And in the dream where I'm Cinderella
You know I'd do anything for you
I'd never lose my glass slippers
And you would make that statement true

And in forever where time stands still
We would never need another portal
We can create a world of our own
Forever we can remain immortal

And dreams, they are a lot like rain








































































Poem,