Ramble On

Waking up on a Monday Morning is tough, eh?  And as luck (or a lack of luck) would have it, this Monday totally kicked my butt.  :)

Hey Everyone!

The latest update.  Andy (my other half) was released late Friday night.  FINALLY.  He will go to a place at 6:45 tomorrow morning for dialysis.  The process will take 3 and a half hours and he has to go three times a week.  Not too bad.

I'll update more on that as I learn more.

At the doctor today for a check-up, the nurse checked his oxygen levels and they're normal.  So I guess you could say he no longer has a need for the oxygen mask.  That's always a good thing.

There really is nothing more to report here.  I hope by next week I shall have a muse meaning a short-story in the works *fingers crossed*

Oh and before I forget earlier today while getting into my car, a mosquito snuck in and I had to shoo it out the window.  Beware of those mosquitoes.  Especially for some as they can make you sick.

And I like how the cat is carefully eyeing the fish in the picture.  Cats are definitely full of mischief.

That is all for now.  Until next time...


























































Random, Blog, Memoir,

Remembering

REMEMBERING

Written by ©Diana Jillian 9/22/12

Lonely in my solitude listening only to Evanescence and Chris Cornell, I realized I had to get out there and live my life.

"It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself," I scolded myself.  "You need to stop giving up on yourself every time the going gets tough."

"Ugh, I know all this," I think back to myself as "Hello" is playing in my head.

"Hello, I am your mind giving you someone to talk to."

I look down at my bracelet my beloved once gave me.  I haven't taken it off and I don't intend to ever take it off.  It is a symbol of our love.  Well, it was a symbol of our love for that love has now perished and all I am left with is this bracelet he gave me.

I remember how he gave me the bracelet.  He whispered in my ear, "Always think of me when wearing this."  I never anticipated those being his last words to me.  Not ever.  And so I have had this bracelet on my wrist after all of these years.

This is all I have left.  I touch the bracelet with my other hand and look up to notice I'm not in the desolate comfort of my own home.

This place.  I can't explain but it looks like a place I've been many times before.

A lush green field with a forest full of trees.  It all looks and smells wonderful.  I can smell the fresh scent of pine and rosemary and it makes me smile.  I can't remember the last time I smiled.  Then it dawned on me.

My beloved and I went to a forest like this when we first met.  When walking further in the forest, there was a fragrant garden full of flowers.  He picked out the black hollyhock.  I don't know how he knew they were my favorite but he always knew things about me.

He knew my favorite color was green and that's why he chose to take me to the evergreen forest. He knew my favorite flower, he even knew my favorite kind of music.

"Follow My Way," is echoing from the distance, breaking me from my reverie.  I walk closer to see what is going on.

As I walk, the music gets a bit louder.  I find myself in that very same flower garden with the melodic words playing.

"So follow my way, when I am falling from your heart, When I'm the pain, fever and sweet relief in one."

I follow the melody and there is someone who has their back towards me.  I am vaguely remembering this person and then I realize who it is.  My beloved.

I inch closer towards him remembering his sweet, spicy scent.  His hair is a coconut brown as how I remembered him from years ago.  From behind, he looks ageless.  Maybe this is a land that never dies.

With anticipation, I walk closer, hoping he will remember me.  I walk around him to face him and then I realize.

It's not him.

Just a skeleton.

"Always think of me."  I hear the whispers in the form of echoes.

I close my eyes and sob as the skeleton turns to dust and washes away in the wind.

When I open my eyes, I learn I am in my desolate room again.  It was just a dream.  I pull my headphones off, give a sigh, and go out and face the day.

After all, if there's one thing my beloved taught me.  He taught me to live each day to it's fullest.

Music references from the song Hello by Evanescence and Follow My way by Chris Cornell.

___

__





Prose, Short Story,

I'm Not Human

Tests.

All these tests.

Failed every one.

Every single one.

But then it turns around

When I'm mad

I'm made to feel guilty

Shame on me

For being made to feel this way

After all

I cannot express my feelings

For apparently I'm a robot

I don't have feelings

Nothing


I just didn't want to be alone

Is that so much to ask?

Because of it

I have no friends to hang

I have no more children

I have no one

No sisters

No like-sisters

I am alone

The cheese that stands alone

I've accepted and I'm okay

Bi-polar reminds me

But once again...

This too shall pass.

I'll accept my fate of being


ALONE

Written by ©Diana Jillian 9/17/12

























































No Rhyme, Poem, Prose, Picture,

Keeping Up

You never realize how much time you have on your hands until you have to stop doing what you're doing and take care of a loved one.

“In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke.” ~~ Hermann Hesse, Steppenwolf

I find this quote to fit perfectly with what I have to say...

This week, well I should say last week, my other half was taken to the hospital. I thought he was having a stroke but it turned out he had low blood sugar. Then it turned out his kidneys are failing and now he needs treatments of dialysis either for the rest of his life or until he gets a kidney transplant. He can go years with dialysis and never need a new kidney if he chooses.

I've gotten off the subject as usual but this is what happens when you have to re-prioritize your life. Everything you thought you knew has ceased to exist when something happens. You have to care for someone but at the same time, you can't go anywhere.

Being in the hospital with my other half and taking care of him is a full time job. My only free time is in the morning where I drive nearly an hour out of my way to go back home and shower and feed the bird and get the mail and pay the bills.

Now, just because I have more time on my hands doesn't mean I'm going to sit around and count how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop like the ever old commercial I posted of the boy with the owl who took a bite after 3 licks.

It means I am going to learn how to shut out the outside world and learn how to enjoy the power of what I was meant to do. What is in my blood whether it's good or not...That's writing.

So my spare time will be spent finally sitting down and editing and turning in a blog (weekly I hope). This is through Blogophilia and it's my first time so please go easy on me as I am still quite the novice at this. The only thing I need to crack the code is on learning how to manage my time better.

Until next time...

Image source from Google search.  I made the collage with paint.

Random, Blog, QOTD, Picture, 

Equal Rights? Doesn't Apply To Me

Source:  http://mariahcarolina.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-womens-rights-have-change-through.html

If you think that trying to get an oil change with just 15 minutes before the mom and pop place closes before I decided to write this has influenced my decision, you may be wrong.  Or you could be right.

I was thinking of the many times I have gone in to get my oil changed and I was told I need this and that to be replaced.  All I could think was if I were a man, would this be happening? Probably not.  They would probably say oh well you need this and that, but there's no real hurry to getting it.

Not in my case.

I could almost guarantee you though, if I were a man, they would have stayed the extra minutes past 1 0' Clock to have my oil changed.

All these thoughts were dormant but popped up into my head on my way home.

A perfect example would be in the job force.

They claim Equal Opportunity Employer (EOE), but I can beg to differ.

While at this so called "EOE," you have to swear that you are NOT going to discuss pay.  If you do, you are FIRED.  Seriously???

Well, it just so happened that at my SEVEN years of employment with certain company, I was with friends, celebrating my birthday.

Out of the pocket falls a pay stub.  You know what I learned????  That this kid...Yes KID.  Younger than me by NINE years.  And only worked at this place on and off and on an off for the past FOUR years at the time, was making nearly TWO dollars more per hour than me.

Why was he making more money than me???  When I been at that job longer.  I have a kid to take care of and payments to make.  This kid had nothing to pay for but he kept coming back and got re-hired several times with more money each time.

He was not loyal to the job like I was.

Yet he made more money.

He ALWAYS called out sick.

Then it dawned on me...

I thought it was an EOE thing, but when I turned around I noticed other employees who worked less than me, were getting paid MORE than me.

It was more of the beat the dog who's loyal to you kind of thing...

Source:  http://www.imagekind.com/Blind-Loyalty-art?IMID=ed583689-243d-4c3a-90e1-96cfb0de52ac


I was too loyal and in return, I got burned.

So while you thought the topic was about equal rights it really wasn't.

It was about loyalty.

Watch out on who you're loyal with.

It will bite you in the end.

Until next time...

DJ



































Random, Blog, Picture,